Return of The Jaahil

Chapter whut?

2011-06-11T03:14:00.000-07:00

New blog. I shall be posting here now, so you may or may not want to follow. Cheers!=)

What I have learnt so far at Moho.

2011-05-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

Gender is a social construct. The moment you internalize this and learn to talk about it in a million different ways, endlessly and tirelessly as if it were the only thing you have ever learnt in life, the sooner you will be accepted into Moho's communal folds. And if you are like me and actively resist the idea that your gender is a social construct, well, pretend like you agree it's a social construct anyway.
Ambition is not a problem. Nearly killing yourself is.
There are turtles in the lake; no one knows where they came from, but there are turtles in the lake.
The health center is redundant. Unless you're pregnant, but I have yet to meet anyone who paid a visit to the center for that particular ailment. Cures for seasonal allergies are, quite unfortunately, still being discovered.
Meanwhile, are you pregnant?
The menu repeats, don't cry if you miss out on quesidillas at the Rockies because Prospect had a pizza showcase. What goes around comes around.
Speaking of menus, go to Sunday Brunch at around 12:45. You will avoid the stampede and therefore not look like you were engaged in a fierce battle for oven fried potatoes. There is no dearth of potatoes at Moho, and we can be civil about them.
There is no such thing as a lowfat cookie.
If you manage to go to the gym during finals, 95% of Mount Holyoke's student body will wish you pain. A lot of it.
Talk about your feelings. That is all you will do during your first week here. If, however, you are unable to talk about your feelings (or have none to begin with), learn the art of BS-ing. It will prove to be useful later on in your college career.
Talk about the sexual continuum and its infinitude in conjunction with gender being a social construct. It will earn you brownie points.
When Public Safety sends out an email about a guy jerking off while checking out students sunbathing by the dock, read the whole email. Otherwise you won't know it's about a guy jerking off while checking out students sunbathing on the dock.
Your response to the abovementioned will vary according to how dead you are on the inside (I refer to emotional death, and not vaginal sensitivity here). If you have a lot of empathy you will be appalled and disgusted. If you are like me, you will cackle and tell as many people as you can. Because no one else read the email.
PubSafe will not help you transport your belongings. Or shovel your car out of the snow. Even if you have a broken foot.
Don't laugh at the self-defense demonstration. You might need to employ those skills, especially if there is a guy jerking off while checking you out as you sunbathe.
Not all lesbians look like the gals from The L Word. Sorry.
Sometimes radical feminism can make you turn to the Kardashians. Or Sex and the City.
Monthly cycles sync on this campus. That's a whole lotta women, a whole lotta PMS and a whole lotta bitchin'.
Get used to whining about how much work you have just to one up your friends when it comes to how much work they have. You might be dying, but hey, at least you're winning the "Shit-My-Brain-Is-Exploding" award.
Jorge's quacking sounds like he/she is saying "Meghan".

There will be more.

Story of my life.

2011-03-19T18:41:00.001-07:00

Today while talking to a friend:

Friend: hahaha

have you never been turned on by someone you saw/met?

or even thought "you know, i could jump him."

Me: no my mind doesnt work like that

i think

"you know.. i could marry him"

true story

Friend: HAHAHAHA

fuck sake

Yeah, I know I have no hope in life.

And now, live from Moho.

2011-01-02T22:09:00.000-08:00

Our friend didn't want to walk all the way from our dorm to hers, so she made one of our friends call Public Safety ( the campus police) from my phone. This is what the conversation was like:

Friend: Hi... I'm in the New Dorm... I can't walk back to my dorm alone because it's dark and creepy outside...Can you drive me back?
Public Safety Dude: ... You want us to drive you back because it's creepy?
Friend: Yes....
Public Safety Dude: ........................Ok..
Friend: Thanks!

It wasn't a prank call. She got PubSafe to drive her back.

2010-12-14T23:08:00.001-08:00

"So when did you start learning English?"

*.....Last week.*

2010-12-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

Thus one of the harshest indictments against bystanders to genocide is that they are lulled by their own bigotry. Would Americans have stood by if the Rwandans were white, or if the Bosnians were overwhelmingly Christian? David Wyman, the leading historian of the United States' reaction to the Holocaust, cannot escape the conclusion that the country's passivity was driven by American anti-Semitism. As the poet Czeslaw Milosz wrote, of Bosnia, "The lives of the well-fed are worth more than the lives of the starving." Nelson Mandela said that Africans and Asians had to envy the willingness of the world to save Kosovo.
These kinds of biases are a particular concern for the press, which is supposed to be making judgments about news, not race. As Carr wrote, "An American newspaper correspondent in Europe is said to have laid down the rule that an accident was worth reporting if it involved the death of one American, five Englishmen, or ten Europeans." In 1970, the publisher of the New York Times, Arthur Ochs Sulzberger, asked his editors, "Why is it that when the National Guard kills four white students we put it on page I, and when the National Guard kills six black people we put it on page 32?" When an explosion of army munitions in Lagos killed over a thousand fleeing Nigerians, it was not front-page news in the Chicago Tribune, which instead ran pieces on Illinois prescription drug coverage and corruption charges against a Chicago businessman, How can one justify this kind of partiality? At home, it is intolerable; abroad, it may be equally intolerable, but it is commonplace.
From Freedom's Battle: The Origins of Humanitarian Intervention by Gary Bass

"It'll take a year for your system to get used to American germs and diseases."

2010-11-30T16:41:00.000-08:00

Said someone down at the health care center to an acquaintance who, like myself, is Pakistani and a freshman at MHC. This was in response to this person falling ill and developing a cold fairly frequently. This happened about a day before I was going to go down to the health center myself because my nose runs like the eff-ing Niagara Falls these days, and I'm pretty sure that half of my lung capacity has been destroyed by constant fits of coughing. Cough and cold medication no longer works. Apparently, it'll take a year for my system to get used to American medication too.
And I resist going to the health center, so when I say "I need to go to the health center", it's serious. I've maintained since my first week here that it is useless, and this is just another thing that really proves my point.

The first time I went down there was because my foot was creaking. Yes. It was creaking. Like a spring. If I wiggled my foot, it would make a springy sound. If I touched it and wiggled it, it would be creaking. And it sort of hurt too. Naturally, I freaked out, and made trip no. 1 to the health center. After wandering around looking for the health center, and finally getting to it in 25 minutes ( it's all the way across campus. I'm not even sure if it's on campus), I went in and asked to see someone. They made me fill out a form, and as weird as it sounds, I put down "Creaky Foot" under reason for visit. True enough. I was thinking maybe they'd give me some medicine for the pain, or give me some fancy medical term for the condition I otherwise kept referring to as Creaky Foot. But no. What I was told was " We refer to this as Overstressed Feet Syndrome, you should rest your feet." I really wanted to ask her if she was planning to buy me a car, because that was the only way I could think of to "rest" my feet. Also, I had just walked 25 minutes to get to the health center just to be told that I should be resting my feet. And to add insult to injury, I got lost while trying to get back to my dorm. Talk about facepalm moments.

The health center is also notorious for connecting everything to pregnancy. Students have been asked if they are pregnant when it's just food poisoning they have. The staff down there really seems to have a lot of faith in the student body on campus. If I ever go there and someone asks me this, I will probably be prepared and answer with a " Why, yes!" and walk out. I mean, what else can you do when you're misdiagnosed like that?

2010-11-20T22:27:00.001-08:00

And again, please remind me of what one does at college.
Thanks.
xoxo.

Philosophy 208

2010-09-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

"I cannot finish off a mile-long run right now. Why? Because I need to have run almost a mile just before now, so that I can complete the running of a mile. Yet, I have not been running. So I cannot finish a mile at this point."

Kasam khao? Because I had no clue that you actually had to RUN to finish off a mile-long run.

If he'd actually spent even half that fucking time running, he'd have completed that mile. Thank you liberal arts, for this semester long mindfuck. I now know what I will definitely NOT be majoring in.
Seriously, what kind of crack do you have to be on to produce this stuff? I'll probably be needing some of it to pass this class.

"If something has to be, then it will be."
"If something will be, then it has to be."

Mr. Conee and Mr.Sider, I regret to inform you that your LIVES were accidental necessities.

Non-existent brain needs to function.

2010-09-12T19:09:00.000-07:00

Sitting in the library with readings from four classes staring into my uncomprehending face, I now realize that 3 months of no mental (or physical, but we'll get to that later) activity whatsoever have really decreased my already low mental capacity. If you, like me, suffer from a lack of active brain cells, I suggest exploring options other than Higher Education. If you really, really, really like a certain college, try getting a job there. Become a janitor. Or a dishwasher. Or something. (Since you can't be a professor, cause for that you kinda sorta have to take the HE path too.) They'll make you wash pots and pans in the kitchen as "work-study" anyway (three hours of pot washing on a Sunday morning. And countless more to come). So might as well stick to manual labour and enjoy the perks of a beautiful campus without going to any of the classes.

As much as I love this place, I still have some whining to do. (Surprised? Don't be.)

The food doesn't taste like anything. Sometimes I want to gag just for the lack of spice. There is way too much food in this country, and none of it is spicy.
So back home, I'm supposed to be "chubby" (whatever that means). However, here, I'm smaller than small. Now you may think of that as a boost to my self-esteem, which it was for the first two days, it's just plain annoying now. I've been trying to shop for winter and I look like a two year old trying to fit into her mother's clothes.
So we all know how the first world countries are out to kill us. We get Red Bull for cheaper. We get cigarettes for nothing. And frankly, I prefer it that way. Please, I would rather die than pay $8.50 for twenty cigarettes. Can you let me reduce my lung capacity in peace?
Walking. Too. Much. Walking. For a person who's known for sitting on her butt and moving only when the necessity occurs, this is a lifestyle shock. So far, I'm still alive. For how long? I don't know.

"So, like, how did you hear about Mount Holyoke? Do people there know about America? Do you guys, like, listen to our music? Do you speak English there? So, like, do you meet boys? Is your house flooded?" Alas, the ignorant American. Oh, I don't know, one day as I was wading through my burnt down village, which just by the way also got hit by the flood, trying not to drown under the weight of my sodden burqa, I reached a stretch of dry land. On that fine stretch, I saw a white man on a donkey cart. It was an American missionary who somehow managed to convey to me (through sign language since I didn't know what English was till I came to this country) that there is this place called Mount Holyoke College. When I found out, I swam back to my house as fast as I could, to tell my family of 50 people that I could save everyone, only to be beaten up with a belt and chased out of my village because they thought the American missionary had violated my honour. While I was being chased out, I hid in the forest, on top of a tree, where the man found me again, and applied to the US for political asylum for me, and here I am! It sounds so much better than "Umm, it was my first choice."

Yeah, they're a weird race, these Americans.

Mohome.

2010-09-05T20:31:00.001-07:00

Probably one of the most beautiful places I have ever been in. Probably some of the best people I have ever been around.
=)

On Traveling Alone

2010-08-24T07:59:00.000-07:00

Friend: and please..

no matter how hot a guy you find in the person sitting next to you in your airplane..dont bang him in the toilet. . okay?

Me: .......

THANKS MAN

IF YOU HADN'T SAID THAT TO ME

GOD KNOWS WHAT I MIGHT HAVE ENDED UP DOING

YOU JUST SAVED ME A LIFETIME OF REGRET YAAR.

********

Mum: DON'T TALK TO ANYONE AT THE AIRPORT. THEY'LL SLIP HEROIN INTO YOUR BAG.

*********

Mikk: Ask them to make you sit next to a woman. I had my butt grabbed by this horny man on a flight, and I had to sit with him for the next four hours. When I went up to the flight attendant and told her, instead of changing my seat she told me "Madame, please don't congregate in this area."

Me: So was that man embarrassed at all?

Mikk: No, he was like leaning all over me, and then he asked me " Excuse me, aap apni chizz (cheese) khaayein gee?"

Me:...........................

More to come.

Countdown.

2010-08-21T04:25:00.000-07:00

It's all rushed by, this whole year. In one week I'll be leaving Pakistan for 8 whole months.

One of my closest friends is leaving on Monday. We've been in the same class for 9 years, had fights, love/hate moments, boy trouble, MUNs, random fits of laughter, weird confrontations, made elaborately complicated plans to sneak out (and suceeded), had the same grades, been completely useless at math together..There's too much we've done together, and it's going to be very, very weird not to have you with me in the same class Pluto.
Another friend is going to the same place as me, so that's going to be 13 years in the same schools/college. That's a long, long time to know someone. But I can tell you it's nice to know someone familiar in a strange place.
The past two years, as I've mentioned previously, have changed my life. I've befriended a few people who I'd like to think will be part of my experiences and me wherever I go. So will those who I used to know, but no longer do.
Mama, the sisters, BamBam- The only real family I do know.
Karachi, my seaside love.
Kiki, with her exasperating behaviour about rowing, for feeding me all the time, for all the times I've been at her house sitting around aimlessly, for making fun of me when I play that stupid Exploding Bubbles game on her iPod, for her dad getting worried on days they didn't pick me up for school, for her cats and dogs and boys, and her generally confusing life. <3
Mikk for, well, everything.
The MUNners for good, good times, for sticking together, for crying through the stress and laughing and spitting through the free fall.
D, for being one of the sweetest people I know, for the chocolates and the smokes and the Gazebo, the rare phone conversations and random bonding sessions.
All those people who I've loved being around, who've made things bearable when my head was threatening to implode.
Thank you. ILY =)

New

2010-08-01T09:56:00.000-07:00

There's too much and too little happening at the same time. On one hand life is as still as it could have been in a long, long time. I feel like Dunbar from Catch-22, getting bored just to make myself feel the days are endless and will never pass. I haven't even started counting them down, because it'll happen when it's time, so what's the point of wasting breath over it?
All I know is, forward nine months and I will not return the same person. Everyone keeps telling me that. I will (hopefully) have conquered homesickness, the blues, the sense of feeling lost in a crowd, of being unsure, of never having been out in the world on my own.

It's a fresh start and I'm measuring it out with my clothes. I can take all the ones people have already seen me wear, because there no one will know me. No one will know what I've already worn. And no one will know me as I have been, as I am now.

Bring on the bubble wrap.

R.I.P

2010-07-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

I guess this is one of those cliched posts where I talk about the immense shock and grief facing everyone who's family members were on the plane that crashed, everyone who knew someone on the plane and everyone who knows someone who was related to/friends with someone who lost their life on the plane. I belong to the third category, and I found myself wanting to cry at random moments during the day.

Because it could have been any of us on that plane, because it could have been our parents and loved ones crying for us, because it could be us whose spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/children would never see them again, us whose honeymoon was cut short by a plane crash.

I've been on Air Blue flights before. I've been on a plane full of school teams going to Lahore for a Model UN conference, and just thinking about what may have gone through the minds of those students going for the Youth Parliament as they realized they were going to die makes me want to break down. It's not even stress or nervous anxiety because I'm going to be traveling soon. The fact of death itself doesn't frighten me as much as the thought of the pain it will cause those who love me and care about me.

152 is a big, big number when you consider all the thoughts in that plane when those people knew they were about to die. Did they even know?

And how many families were left bereaved?

Edit: Today I received an invite for a " going-away-to-college-party-" aka let's get drunk and have fun together one last time. And I don't have the heart to go and let my hair down when a plane carrying people like me just crashed into a hill and burned the people inside it to death. Something makes me feel that it's just not right. I always have a severe debate raging in my head about these things and I don't generally go to any, but right now I just feel it's downright insensitive to be having a party two days after a plane crash that cause so many people to suffer such a tremendous loss. But then again, who am I to say. To each his own.

Oh noez

2010-07-26T05:05:00.001-07:00

So, ladies and gentlemen, I think I have typhoid. Again.

57 and going back.

2010-07-02T11:10:00.000-07:00

I was really hoping that my next blog post would be more meaningful than just me whining about my life, and yet, here it is and here I am, ready to complain.
These days the one question I get asked a lot is "So, what are your college plans?" and its variation "How are your preparations for college going?". I can't answer I don't know, because no one believes me. Truth is, I really do not know.
Here's the visa, here's the ticket, and yet, I don't know. I should be all set with my ticket out of here, a ticket to my prospects and an actual future where no one can treat me like crap just because I'm a girl without a father. To be fully prepared to go to one of my dream schools. And still, I don't know. Because I'm struggling, because people back out of promised help, because there are a million things that have to be done before I can finally leave. Two months ago, I had a semester's tuition sponsored, somehow with some help from a friend. Now, all of a sudden, I don't. Disappearances, people going AWOL without notice- It's all too much for me to think about. I've stopped sleeping at nights, I think, and I think a lot. I think about rich kids. People tell me to stop "hating on them" but I can't help begrudging people the easy lives they lead. They don't know, they really don't, that while they spend 5000 rupees on a night, I'm thinking of how much the next year is costing my mother. How I can't even afford college even with financial aid that makes most of my peers' jaws drop. I hear it a lot "Thats ALL you have to pay? That's IT?! Wow man!", and I don't know how to explain. It's too much, it is still too much. So while someone's parents spend lakhs and lakhs on foreign education for them, and as these kids waste themselves away on love lives and booze and parties (not to generalize, I know a lot of people who don't do these things at college.), I sit here and wonder what will happen. With 57 fucking days to go.
In truth, my life is a million times better than that of the rickshaw driver who killed himself and his family a few days ago because of poverty. It's a lot better than that of the woman who threw herself on train tracks with her children because of poverty. It's better, I have food to eat, I have a home, I'm privileged to be part of the 1% of the population of Pakistan who lives what is could be called a comfortable life.
And yet.
But I'll get to the whys and the hows and the whats. Family. I find that word laughable, except when it comes to my mother and my sisters. No one knows I'm supposed to be going abroad. My mother has been told it's a waste of money to spend so much on a girl, she's heard it all so many times, she could repeat it while asleep. Hell, she developed a heart problem overstressing herself. People stop caring when they see you've got the same old car. When they see you don't wear designer clothes, don't sport fancy accessories. When they realize you have no useful connections. When, generally, your father dies in this country.
It's a flaw, having a brain and ambition. A big one. It makes you realize you are so much bigger and better than what you see around you, that you deserve this chance because you have worked for it, worked to redeem yourself and to correct the mistakes you made. It's exhausted you. Sometimes, you wonder about the point of it all. Is it worth it? It takes so much away. Too much, almost.
And yet.
All people see is, to cut a long story short, the trip to Boston. Like cake, that was served to you on a platter. You've stopped explaining, because it's too much effort to tell everyone that along the way, these things have have taken a lot from you, even while they've taught you incomparable lessons. Every achievement, every heartache, every rejection. How does one even begin to explain.
And yet.
It's scandalous. The thought of working in a boutique, a shop, a Mcdonald's is scandalous. We don't do that in Pakistan if we're from a "good family". What does being from a "good family" mean anyway? Is it a stamp of approval? Is it living in a certain locality? Is it studying in a certain school? Is it the people you know, the places you're seen at? I never understood. So you sit and you resign yourself to having no money, because you're young and well, money is hard to come by. Because you don't have that expensive degree from that famous university yet.
And yet.
Even when you're close to that degree, you can't quite have it.
So what do you do? You sit and you smile when your friends say "Thats ALL you have to pay? That's IT?! Wow man!". And you lose sleep, and your mind, thinking about what will happen, about how you deserve this because it's all yours. It's drastic, it's painful and it cuts. But you sit and you smile and you answer questions.
And count the days, I guess.

2010-06-20T09:47:00.000-07:00

It's the uncertainty of it all that irritates me. You could say it's sitting here, on my palm, but I can't close my fingers around it and hide it in my hand and know that it's mine. For once, I'd like to be certain rather than wondering about whether I'm going to lose.

Threat of the day

2010-06-19T09:50:00.000-07:00

Mum: This is very expensive now. Iss mein dou dou visa lagay huay hain. If you lose this, I'M NOT BUYING YOU A NEW ONE!

..........Yeah mum, I lose passports everyday. Like, it's my thang yo, and old habits die hard. I'll try my best though.

Sigh.

Pwned by a 9 year old.

2010-06-14T03:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I discovered that I am a little out of touch with the latest Disney starlets after my recently-turned-9-year-old sister had the following exchange with me:

Me: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU YOU COULDN'T ADD PEOPLE ON YOUR FACEBOOK, YOU WERE ONLY ALLOWED TO HAVE IT FOR PET SOCIETY!

Her: I didn't add anyone.. except Haani..Madiha...Winona.... Zahra...Zainab....You know ALL of them!

Me: WHO WAS THAT BOY I SAW ON YOUR PROFILE? I deleted him, but the next time I see a random boy being added on your Facebook is the LAST day you're allowed on it.

Her: Oh THAT. That was Winona.. she changed her display picture and name to Justin Bieber. He's a singer * scornful look*

Me: Oh...

Hai Dere

2010-06-13T09:58:00.000-07:00

Ever since the exams ended (which was on Friday, the 11th of June) all the inspiration just flew out of my head. Now I sit around wondering what to do/write or how to be productive. But I mostly just sit around being a waste of space and oxygen, reveling in how I am officially done with the A levels. There is actually nothing to do. Apart from looking for a job, but well..... I'm too lazy even for that.
Epic.

Only in Karachi

2010-06-05T04:46:00.000-07:00

A friend overheard some people talking at McDonald's.
A girl said: Yaar yeh Cyclone aanay mein itni dair kyuun laga raha hai?

Oh and Cyclone Phet is now a Facebook event.

Does this sound like a cliche?

2010-05-31T07:42:00.000-07:00

You are free; you are free to go to your temples, you are free to go to your mosques or to any other place or worship in this State of Pakistan.

And we forget his words like we forget the Pakistan Studies syllabus.
Save my country, please.

Oh and:
“What we have seen this morning is a war crime,” said Saeb Erakat, the chief Palestinian negotiator for the government in the West Bank. “These were civilian ships carrying civilians and civilian goods — medicine, wheelchairs, food, construction materials.”
“What Israel does in Gaza is appalling,” he added. “No informed and decent human can say otherwise.”
Full article here

There are times when you just cannot consider "all sides" to an argument.

This time, it ain't the PTA.

2010-05-31T07:00:00.000-07:00

Someone just forwarded this text to me, and I didn't know whether to laugh or be exasperated or just plain annoyed:

On 31st of may facebook wil b the only most visited wibsite in the cyber world n this wil continue for a week (or may be more) which will surplus the loss they experienced, people wilcomment, play games, up-load pics, send messages, will poke friends, up-date the status about facebook being unblocked, BUT no one of us wil think 4 a second about Muhammad (S.A.W.W), who was always thinking abt us. these are the signs abt wat kind of muslims wud b there, wen Dajjaal wil come n invite u 2 da wrong path, n it will be followed.....

Can u tell it to all ur friends?

I mean, seriously? So now whoever uses Facebook is a certified heretic who has no respect for the Prophet. Nice. I'm sorry I haven't switched to the halal Facebook yet. Excuse me while I social network the Pakistani way.

PS: I don't mean to be disrespectful. The whole "Let's Draw Muhammad Day" thing was absolutely horrible, as I've said before. But things like these just really, really piss me off. Let other people be, and let them make their own choices.

Good morning, Itchy.

2010-05-30T22:08:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

Please don't give me an allergic reaction from all the raw coffee I have been consuming. Waking up after two hours of sleep with junkie-withdrawal symptoms isn't the best way to start a day when you have an exam. Scratching your arms (and your neck.. and your face.. and your head) during said exam is probably worse. I know I have been a little bit unhealthy, and I am Nescafe's dream consumer right now, but please do be nice. I will try not killing myself.

Love,
Me.

And today

2010-05-29T10:22:00.001-07:00

Jaahil downed a tablespoon of coffee with Diet Coke.
No, I am not on a suicide mission. I'm just trying to stay awake.

You know the A levels are getting to you....

2010-05-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

When you open up the Harvard Law School website aka Jaahil's ultimate dream in life and start crying over it like you just failed your LSAT. Or, for that matter, your whole life.
When your cat becomes your bestfriend, and even he doesn't like being around you.
When you forget how your actual bestfriend's voice sounds like.
When you get weepy because your boyfriend went out to eat without you.
When you wonder which pair of pajamas you should wear today. Not just tonight.
When your mother buys you three more pairs of pajamas because they're all you wear.
When you tell your mother you need MORE pairs because everyone at college goes to class in their pajamas.
When you fall asleep and wake up with a fat book on your face that is squashing your nose. And you weren't even studying.
When you throw your book on the ground and tell your mum you're getting married.
When you start watching The Disney Channel with your 9 year old sister and look forward to the Wizards of Waverly Place, and can differentiate between the twins in The Suite Life.
When your mother is embarrassed of telling people you're her child.
When you ask your cat to find your pen.
When you think there's nothing wrong with keeping multiple mugs of tea in the fridge so you can microwave them later.
When the neighborhood shopkeeper displays concern over your consumption of energy drinks, which just by the way, don't work.

Yeah, they're getting to me alright.

An open letter to our esteemed president.

2010-05-21T11:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. President,

Your time as co-chairman of the PPP and as president of our beloved country has shown, not for the first time in history, that the Pakistan People's Party is not in fact a socialist party that caters to the demands of the masses (no, a ban on Facebook does not count). Your government is not doing anything to alleviate the sufferings of the public, and it has definitely not done a lot to reduce poverty, unemployment, the lack of health facilities, human rights violations and the myriad of other trivial issues plaguing Pakistan. There has, however, been (like there is in all governments) an explosive increase in the bank accounts of those who pledge their undying support to you. In other words, the rich are getting richer, the poor are getting poor, and the honest should just go shoot themselves.

While your children live in comfort and luxury, students in Pakistan languish in the face of a constant shortage of electricity, the worries of making ends meet, the utter uselessness of the so called Higher Education Commission and a substandard quality of education in governmental institutions of learning. Your son's security alone is costing a million pounds a year, because of course, we all recognize what a precious asset he is to the country what with his oratory skills, his ability to empathize with the people of Pakistan and the amazing leadership potential in him that is being honed at the prestigious Oxford University. I am quite sure his admission there must be the result of painstaking effort on his part. And of course, who can forget the appointment of your youngest daughter, Asifa, as the ambassador of polio?She can't even pronounce her own name right.

Also, thank you so much for blessing us with your presence at the Bilawal House. Thank you for the nuisance it is for those living in the area, thank you for the strange traffic rules, thank you for the eight hours of no electricity instead of the usual 3 because of course, the residents of that area must pay for their electricity consumption of the past one week when your presence ordained that there must be no loadshedding during the time of your stay at the Bilawal House. I understand that your position offers you "diplomatic privileges", and I would like to point out that I feel it is such a pile of rubbish that you, your children and the other incompetent and corrupt leaders of this country are having the time of their lives at the expense of the public, while the country is all set for a 43% rise in its international debt within the next five years.

"Socialism is our economy"?
Yeah right.

Regards,
Me.

2010-05-20T12:30:00.001-07:00

Great, my blog can't be opened on my ISP.
First thing to do tomorrow: Shout at the bastards.

The Great Facebook (and YouTube, and Wikipedia) Ban.

2010-05-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when the the PTA banned Facebook, I had a discussion with a friend regarding the violation of civil liberties. According to her, this ban was an infringement on our freedom of expression, a measure taken because people felt their faith was threatened by the activities FB authorities had refused to clamp down on. She felt that banning a whole social networking website just wasn't the way to go about it, and the government was acting foolishly by reacting in such a manner. Basically, what she felt was that the government's response was immature and was bound to get out of control.

I disagreed with her, because I thought that if it appeased the masses for a few days, so be it. She and I, and in fact many of us, do not represent the average Pakistani Muslim, and if their sentiments had been deeply hurt, perhaps this measure might make them feel better. Besides, we could all stay in touch through phones, messengers, Skype, etc, not to mention the fact that this ban might just make us study (I know many people who deactivate their accounts during exam time). The measure did not violate any particular human rights as to actually harm someone's life, and it was to be a short term measure, a form of organized protest by (willingly or unwillingly) the people of Pakistan.

What I was unaware of, when I woke up today, was the ban on YouTube. And Wikipedia. Really? How does that even make sense? At the very moment I write this blogpost, I can't even open my own blog, perhaps because of the words used in it. Apparently, the requested URL cannot be retrieved. So much for my freedom of expression, the violation of which, I might add, I take great offense to.

YouTube was blocked because of "Objectionable Content on the Main Page". And God knows why Wikipedia was restricted. If this is the case, then why aren't the thousands of porn sites being banned too? Do objectionable videos on the main page of YouTube really mean that we're going to watch them, and be influenced by them? I'd really like to think we're not that stupid, because it would be a shame if we were. Most of us know not to waste our time by leaving comments like "Y0U R@C!ST P!GZ, ALLAH W!LL $TR!K3 Y3WW" because we're aware that the people who post such videos are ignorant assholes who don't know the meaning of the word tolerance. Those who do comment, are equally, if not more, misinformed about the "evil culture of the West", so really, at the end of the day as it turns out it's ignoranus against ignoranus. Who are we to meddle in their enlightened arguments and cyberwars?

Quite evidently, the PTA doesn't share the same sentiments, and would very much like to meddle. And turn it into a nuisance for the rest of us, because it hurt their egos that a few hackers came up with solutions to the Facebook ban. Why not just go the whole nine yards, then?

Anyone remember the blogger ban of the not so recent past? Exactly.

Thank you PTA.

That time of the year.

2010-05-09T02:47:00.000-07:00

So around this time of the year, I decide to forget all about weight consciousness and dive into everything ridden with empty calories. Why? It could have something to do with immense boredom, but it's probably also because I'm one of those stress-eater types. Unless I'm heartbroken, which I will inform you, is a horrible way to starve yourself. You lose weight and still feel like shit. You wonder that even after the weight has dropped off, why he still doesn't want you. You curse yourself for ever being fat. And even if there's a remote chance of looking attractive because of the pounds you've shed, it's kind of ruined by the fact that your face is puffy, blotchy, and swollen at the worst of times, and looks miserable even when you look your best. A close second in horrible ways of losing weight is typhoid. Seriously, don't eat shit... Just go on the cabbage soup diet or something. You'll be less miserable, I promise.
Thank God I don't suffer from either of the above very often.

Anyway, ~~I was whining~~ we were talking about this time of the year. Ever since the CIE and I became acquainted, I have taken to not only forgetting, but shooting, stabbing, killing, stamping on and setting fire to my conscience when it comes to what a Fat Ass I am. Not that it's very active anyway, my love for food has made sure the "stop eating, you fat bitch." voice in my head remains dormant, until one day I look in the mirror and decide I can no longer ignore the ogre looking back at me. And that I kinda don't fit in those clothes that-became-so-loose-after-the-typhoid. But not during the exams. Oh no. I don't even visit the mirror anymore, and I shudder to think of what people think when bg.h;(my kitten says hello world.) they see me. I don't know what I look like, but I know human is not a word I'd use to describe me during exam time.

And then the exams end, and I actually look at myself. And freak.

Hello, CIE 2010.

2010-05-08T00:50:00.001-07:00

I spend most of my time hating what this country does to its women. More later.

2010-05-07T03:00:00.000-07:00

I try not to dwell on things these days, and I try not to obsess on the things I've done wrong. I don't have to think about what I did right, because here I am. So I try not to think too much, and let life be as uncertain as it is. And it's very, very uncertain right now. I don't even know if I'm going to college for another semester, or a year. There is no plan B, but I suppose if the time does come, I'll figure it all out- I've always managed to. So it's ok. I suppose.

As someone said, Nothing really matters.

And so.

2010-05-04T11:31:00.000-07:00

Almost twenty months ago I posted this. Before anything had started, before I knew that these two academic years were going to be the best of my life. Back then, the process of A level admissions was stressful and nerve wracking, because of course, university was something to be thought of in the very distant future. When I look back at it, A level applications had absolutely nothing on uni apps. And I applied to just two places, but I speak for all my friends as well, when I say that the whole process can make one cry.

When I walked into The Lyceum, I knew this was the school I had wanted to go to. What I hadn't expected was a completely different world it was from the convent school where I spent seven years of my life ( and hated, quite honestly, most of them). People whined about how strict the admin was. I marveled at how the teachers were actually approachable ( I was usually in trouble at my old school), how they marked more leniently, how I was seen to be one of the "good students", how my teachers actually liked me, how shocking it was that other students had stories to share of "that time when" they got some teacher kicked out of their job, or how they would blatantly talk back to teachers (we'd get kicked out if we dared talk back to our teachers). I found myself, for the first time, appreciating the insanely high standards set by my convent school teachers.

I met people. Many new people in school and outside school, who did more to shape my experiences of the world than those past seven years ever could. I went in being judgmental, feeling I was "better" than the others, looking for new friends, wanting to prove myself. Two years on, I find myself trying to understand the reasons for why people are a particular way, and not the way I'd like them to be. I found out that being diplomatic is important, that you shouldn't be quick to put people in certain moulds and label them, that things and people are very, very quick to change. That the moment you stop caring what people think/say about you, you'll turn into a much happier, more confident person. I stopped wanting to live in the little bubble where gossiping about other people, being bitchy, judging them would be the only way you could socialize. I became, at the same time, more sensitive and desensitized. I learnt that the only people who I should care about were the ones who would care if I lived or not. I learnt how to say thank you. In other words, I grew up and matured- I'd gone in a child. I know there are people who didn't, who don't share my experiences of the place, but every one of my friends will vouch for how they can relate to at least one of the things I'm speaking of.

I remember how the October '08-January'09 period turned into one of the most bittersweet times of my life. The hurt, the typhoid, the bed rest, the altered brain chemistry, the knowledge that I could live without certain people in my life- I firmly believe the typhoid changed me for the better. And how February 2009 marked a change I thank God for every day. It's the change that allows me to just let things go, let them slide and happen as they want to, as they have to. I met someone who changed my life for the better, has been the one person who was integral to the whole process of my growing up. That person is the only one who can tell anyone how painstaking it was to make me grow up, to shape me into who I am now.

I'm extremely lucky to have made it on to the debating team. I remember my first MUN in school, how I didn't make it on to the team that would be sent to Lahore. How I cried for two days in a row. How my mother tried to explain to me that maybe I just wasn't ready for it- and I actually wasn't. I stuttered. I couldn't hold my own. I lacked confidence. And how in September '09, it was a different story-I actually made it on to the team. The trip to Lahore was one of the best times of my life. If there's one thing I will never forget, it will be that entire experience- there should be a whole post about it, but I wouldn't know where to start. Even Boston, where I was so incredibly homesick, only elicits fond memories in my mind now that I think about it.

I wouldn't know who to thank and where to start. But amongst the people who stand out are my mother, who finally felt it was okay to let me go, that going to "boys' houses" wasn't that big a deal anymore,that I could be trusted to go to another country without her and for her faith that I'm going to do something with my life. My sociology teacher who inspired me to make one of the most important decisions of my life- choosing the college I wanted to attend-, for making sociology fun, for everything she did. That person I mentioned earlier in this post, who literally moulded me. My friends- old friends, new friends, people I met on the trips- everyone who made these two years worth what they are to me now.

After saying all of this, I still don't know what to say.
The Lyceum, you will be sorely missed.

I was supposed to be in school right now....

2010-04-20T21:38:00.000-07:00

except that, I texted my friend in the morning asking if she could pick me up. She said okay. I went back to sleep, because we have a 9:50 am class and I thought she'd come at 9:50. Next thing I know, I get a text at 8:30 telling me to come downstairs. I asked her why. She said "Because I'm downstairs, jackass."
I told her I wasn't ready, because I wasn't. (Which sounds like she asked me to marry her and I told her I wasn't prepared to get into something serious at this point in time, but let's not get into that...)
And that, is why I'm at home and not at school. Fun taymez.

Hi.

2010-04-19T12:03:00.000-07:00

Hello p33pz.
Now, to clear a few things up:

I will make no apologies for what I say on this blog, and how I choose to say it. If you disagree, or do not like what I've said, please do hesitate to contact me over it, because I try my best not to offend anyone with what I say. And if I ever do, well, it's probably something I won't regret. So if you're a follower of this blog, or a silent reader, or whatever, and you have an issue with what's on it- I suggest you stop following and reading, rather than taking offense at what I say. Because it's hardly ever some personal vendetta I have against you; My life is much, much bigger than that. And yes, I am aware that quite a few people feel I am a "stuck up bitch"- I will not apologize for that either.

Kthxbye.

The disturbing things I get to hear.

2010-04-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

Lailaa- says:
Hitler the cat is not only a Nazi, but a pedophile and a rapist as well.
Sanaa~ says:
HAHAHA HOW
Lailaa- says:
HE KNOCKED UP MY SIX MONTH OLD KITTEN
SHE DOESNT EVEN LOOK LIKE AN ADULT CAT
AND NOW SHE WILL BE STUNTED FOR LIFE
Durrie didnt want to neuter Hitler, because that would be robbing him of his manhood, but I dont see how robbing poor little Juliet of her childhood is any better. =(
Sanaa~ says:
WTF
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA
Lailaa-says:
I know
She is a baby!
She was on heat, and she didnt even know what was going on in her body.
LIKE AN AFGHANI CHILD.
Sanaa~ says:
Allah...

Pedophilia is the new Sex

2010-04-14T08:57:00.001-07:00

For anyone who remembers angsty, angry Jaahil ranting about something or the other on her blog, get some cake and take a seat. And don't forget to tell your friends.
For anyone who stumbled across this post through Google, no, it doesn't consist of little-girl-porn. And now, Ladies (and Gentleman), I present to you:

The New Sex.

A few days ago I was feeling sickened by the way a (now ex) friend spoke in a disgustingly derogatory fashion about his girlfriend, a child by my standards. I remember how stupid I was at 16 over the boy I was in "love" with. I also recall how he declared me to be a whore to all and sundry, after he broke my heart and caused me a lot of misery. In retrospect, I can now laugh at some aspects of it, but I'm still quite sensitive about it.
And so, I take it very personally when I see apparently mature young men call girls sluts, whores, desperate, or anything else of that sort. Bitching about a girl who's in love with you, about how she's throwing herself all over you, about how she's a desperate hoe, about how she totally wants some- it's not cool, and the fact that you've been blessed with a penis in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan doesn't mean it's a God given right of judgment you can exercise over any female. I know about things people say about me, I know there are people who will label me to be a slut/whore and a variety of other pleasant titles I may have been given because of merely the fact that have been seen with a cigarette in my hand. I know one of my cousins thinks I have a "loose" character. I don't even know what that means. Point being, most Pakistani men, as a breed, need to get over themselves.

But there's more.
Here I was, ranting about all of the above, when the mother of all amusing/sad/disturbing/disgusting examples hit me in the face.
My mum's a lawyer, and these neighbors brought a problem to her. It consisted of a woman blackmailing neighbor aunty's poor, innocent husband, threatening to get him picked up and shot if he didn't marry her. Except that, the husband wasn't a scapegoat, and the whore in question was a 17 year old. He'd been having an affair with her for a year, and decided that since he'd fucked her enough, he'd just very conveniently end it because she was getting clingy. Just by the way, he's 39 years old, and has four children. His wife is a housewife- she's a nice woman, not very educated, simple and concerned with bringing up her kids. And now, trying to save her marriage and her husband. I don't understand why anyone would want to stay with, let alone save, a disgusting scumbag like that but I guess people have their weaknesses, and the father of your children counts as a big one.

Oh, and his grounds for screwing and leaving the girl are that “ she has a bad character”. And you, Mister, are Jesus, I take it? The amusing bit is, he’s scared shitless that shes going to get him picked up and murdered. I say, way to go girl. In fact, if my mother would let me into the drawing room, I’d put on Bad Romance as background music. So very apt.

She wants your love,

love love love,

she wants your love.

OhYesSheDoes.

So uncle, how does it feel like to be caught in a bad romance?

2010-03-25T10:03:00.000-07:00

I love how I'm *this* close to either getting it all, or losing it. That's all it takes. A tiny bit, a precarious balance. I could make it, or I could lose my footing and fall.
It. Is. Pretty. Much. Killing. Me. Now.

Fail therapist.

2010-03-23T11:49:00.000-07:00

Friend:
I know how I feel stupid.
-_-
Hai Sana. You'd make a FAIL therapist.
Me:
AHAH
AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAHAH
Friend:
What is it?
Me:
therapist comment=p
Friend:
Its true!!
You're a jackass!!!

Moral of the story: Don't ask me love life advice.

Aaloo huun mein.

2010-03-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

Every single time I go on a diet my mum thinks I'm trying to kill myself. Therefore, every single time I go on a diet, my mum tries to force feed me. One of her favourite devices to use is emotional blackmail. Another one is telling me how all my hair and teeth are going to fall out, and so on. And now, this just happened:

Mum: Baita, what are you going to eat for dinner?
Me: Nothing.
Mum: KYUUN? PAGAL HO KYA??
Me: Nai, just fat.
Mum: Lekin I'm putting aaloo in the rice! You like aaloo!
Me: Not when I resemble one. =\
Mum: Dekhna, agar nai khao gee tou baal girna shuroo hojayein ge.... Exams ke liye bhi nai parh sako gee..phir kya hoga....
Me: *voice in head starts humming*

0.o

2010-03-07T02:08:00.000-08:00

Post shifted to here.

It felt strange without this, like something was missing.
I miss my escapism.
So, ladies and gentlemen, here it is, and here I am.

Crash

2010-03-05T23:19:00.000-08:00

My PC crashed.
Yes, again.
Now you can all just point at me and laugh, it IS that funny, no?

Good news: I'm in the library and this is boox sex and I'm pretty happy.

Better news: I can swim. I mean, I didn't just learn how to. I used to be kickass till about 6th grade. Winning stuff. My mum used to time me with a stopwatch. And then I turned into a lazy lump of fatness. So today, I decided to swim after about 2 and a half, 3 years. 1250 metres. I can't feel my bones, my arms, my legs or my body. But I haven't forgotten how to swim, and it's an incredibly nostalgic feeling. I don't hate exercise, I just don't like it's sweaty forms. Leave me in a pool, and see what I do. Yay!

Mera computer theek karado, please=(

2010-03-03T00:36:00.000-08:00

At least now I have a name for the book I kinda sorta might decide to write. w00t.

I have too many plans in my head, and very little time to see the realisation of said plans. So I make them, feel like I've accomplished something in life, and then I abandon them. I was just talking to a friend, and I realised that I can be something of a bitch, and this is how:

Friend:You know. She went to LUMUN too.
Me: Did she win?
Friend: No.
Me: Exactly.
Friend: You > her.
Me: I know.
Friend: Bitch. =D

I'm not one of those people who go around shouting "Oh yeahh. I'm a bitch, deal with it." That's not cool, please don't do that. Just makes you look like an idiot, and believe me I've seen a lot of idiots in my 19 year old life.

But talking about LUMUN, I miss it like fuck. Those 6 days were probably the most amazing 6 days I've ever had, and the MUN owned HarvardMUN. When I'm at college I will hopefully be able to come back to LUMUN with an MHC delegation, and be all angsty feminist badass sort because it's just fun to freak people out with that. And people keep asking me if I'm going there to turn into a lesbian. Maybe I am. Women are a lot less trouble than men anyway.

The carnival was the fail I predicted it would be. My friend ended up eating about 30 sandwiches, she's going to bless me for the rest of her life. I'm quite jealous of her ability to eat like a bottomless pit and not gain an ounce. Not even *this* much. It makes me quite mournful that the same state of affairs doesn't exist with myself.

They're making everyone pay 5000 rs. for the after party. Mein joota na doun, 5000 tou duur kee baat hai. Idiots.

Boredom=Blog Time.

2010-02-27T08:44:00.000-08:00

This one is a post about Nothing in Particular.

Tomorrow we have a carnival at school. We've never had a carnival at school, and with good reason. Our school is, as I've said before, the size of a chicken coop. So I don't know what they plan on achieving by having a "Fun Carnival". I think it's because Southshore and even *gasp* NIXOR had one, so it's impossible for THE LYCEUM to miss out. Now, the reason why I'm expressing these anti-carnival sentiments is that I am a society head. Which should mean that I get to act very cool, throw my weight around, point my finger at people and shout "Yo BITCH! Make me a sandwich.". Instead, I'm sitting here making sandwiches wondering who the hell to put on duty at the stall (apart from myself). Oh, and, I have to be there an hour before the carnival starts in order to "help set up" and leave an hour after it ends in order to "help clean up". Nice, eh? Positions of power and their perks, sigh, I can never have enough of them. Also, the journalism society is far from the most popular one which invariably makes me wish for the student population to not be quite so dyslexic, but that's not going to change. If anything, they get dumber by the year.
The most popular societies are debates and M.A.D (Music, art and drama). Why? Because debating takes you to Lahore and (in my case) Boston. So after the ECA orientation 90% of the A1s flock to the debating society meeting in hopes of being on the team. It's quite an amusing process, if you ask me, but details will make me sound like a bitch so I'll refrain. (=)). As for Music, arts and drama. Well. I guess the name accounts for the popularity.
(I still think journalism's the most kickass, though)

b) The weirdest thing just happened. My sister decided to toast a slice of bread. When it came out of the toaster, it gave my sister an electric shock. Literally.
It's still crackling.
Wow.
Electric bread. Now THAT is an idea. Im'ma go look for a patent.

Okthnx.

2010-02-27T08:22:00.001-08:00

I will do my homework now
I will do my homework now
I will do my homework now
I will do my homework now..

No, I won't. HeeHaa.

While watching an old Amitabh Bachan flick

2010-02-27T04:28:00.001-08:00

Me: Yeh isska abba hai? Asal waala? Aisay kyuun kar raha hai?

Mum: Kyuunke isska abba kameena hai.

Hahaha <3

2010-02-26T03:23:00.001-08:00

Lovely, it's rather ambitious of you to try to piece me together/figure me out, but I commend your efforts and find you quite adorable.
Thank you.

2010-02-14T06:25:00.000-08:00

I have a test tomorrow, on Eliot, and I realised that more than laziness, I refuse to read the notes my teacher has given me because I don't want them to tamper with my interpretation about and feelings towards his work.

I'm enjoying literature after a long, long time.

And, I can't even feel guilty for not studying for the LCAT, because I am studying. Just not for that.

I don't feel much like P. Diddy

2010-02-11T16:06:00.000-08:00

I'm up at 5 am in the morning working on six 25 mark history essays. None of which I have started, and I sure as hell don't have extensive knowledge of the topics they're about.
I'm wondering if there's any point to it at all, considering the fact that these transcripts don't have to be sent to any colleges and I'm pretty much done with my applications.
Seriously? I must be loony.

Earth to Jaahil

2010-02-09T03:07:00.000-08:00

I am back. From Boston. From hiding (not that I was very well hidden). And from wherever else your imagination told you I was. Point is, I felt like blogging, so here I am.

Boston was...odd. It was lovely, it was horrible, it was great and it made me homesick. Basically, what I felt was confused. Except for the 45 minutes I was at the Harry Potter exhibition, because that made me so.insanely.happy.
Now that I'm back, I have work hitting me like a tidal wave. Assignments, tests, exams, the LUMS test(yuck) and begging the American people to give me more money. Apart from that, trying to find some way of earning money because I'm still, I reiterate, flat stinking broke and there's nothing I can do about it.

I'd say I want to go back to Boston, but I actually don't.
Where I do want to go, is Lahore. That was fun.

2009-11-13T18:41:00.001-08:00

So, what does it feel like to be sentenced to death?
Just wondering.

2009-11-09T09:21:00.001-08:00

On my mind right now:
Arthur Miller
Oscar Wilde
Uni apps
Heroin addictions
Money

That's pretty darn funky, if you ask me. Honestly. Seriously. Totally.

If wishes were horses...

Will work for money.

2009-11-08T04:59:00.000-08:00

If anyone's wondering how my SAT went, it was horrible. English was cake easy, or perhaps I speak too soon... Math, however... let's just say my innate phobia of math set in and took over. People like me should get an additional 15 minutes on all math sections.
And for those who give the SAT more than once: I salute you. I don't know how anyone can do it multiple times.

This post, however, isn't about the SAT. I did as well as I expected I would do. So yeah. It's about monehz.

As per usual, I'm flat, stinking broke. I've been looking for jobs, because I desperately need the money ( and prostitution is not an option, before anyone suggests it.) and there's nothing. Nothing. Newspapers and magazines are not willing to pay and those that are don't want any more writers.
I thought about outsourcing, but those people have yet to get back to me.
Same goes for RJ-ing.
And tuitions... well.. I put up flyers, and figured no one wants literature, english or socio tuitions... So that's that.
(but umm, the offer stands. If you're in Karachi and doing your O levels, or know anyone in Karachi doing their O levels and needing tuitions for those subjects, you know where to find me? Yes.)

Whattodo whattodo.
Seriously, what to do?

Whoever said money can't buy happiness was speaking with a pile of cow dung in his/her mouth, and spraying it on the rest of the world. I can recall countless instances where money has made me very happy. I could make a whole new blog about it. The money can't buy happiness thing is the same deal as "Jo hota hai achay ke liye hota hai." Sorry, that's another one liner you can't use with me.

A little help would be nice God.

So I thought maybe...

2009-10-30T19:55:00.000-07:00

I haven't been blogging much. Not that anyone cares, but Tweeting is so much more.. convenient? If not eloquent..
Last time I blogged, I'd forwarded my SAT date, which didn't help for shit. I'm still where I was, which happens to be a gazillion steps away from even the pathetic place in life more commonly referred to as Square One. And I have a literature AS one day before, so Dear God, if you must punish Charlotte Bronte for anything, now's the time and I have a few suggestions.

At this point in time, I'm suffering quite a few problems of my own. Since this is my blog, I can rant as systematically and as much as I want. As much as I want being, of course, a lot. So, ladies and gentlemen, and the ghosts of my imagination who read this blog:

1. Harvard Model United Nations. Boston. January 2010. Visas, check. Registration, check. Parental permission, check. Sponsors.... errrr..
Yeah. About that. I'm trying to resign myself to the fact that there's a very, very high probability that I won't be able to go because no one is willing to sponsor these days and I'm a poor kid from a third world, terror ridden country. Who got a U.S visa, but nonetheless. It's a bit difficult to accept, seeing how HarvardMUN is *this* far away from my reach and it happens to be something of a dream come true... I'd thought I'd be lucky if I made it to Lahore...
The offer is out there. If y'all want to help fulfil a poor kid's dream, you know where to find me.

2. College. All my life I went on about how I wanted to study law. Now that I have to decide what I want to do with my life, the wonderful dearth of options is actually making me consider taking a year off. There's one place that I want to go to if I stay here, no prizes for guessing where, but my stellar O level results and amazing predictions of SAT scores are more than an indication of where my fate rests when it comes to that particular place. I haven't applied to many places abroad because financial aid is very readily available and I don't want to be a beggar. Ha. Yeah. Anyway. Which leads me to....

3. I'm applying to one place in the States.Mount Holyoke. And no, not because I've suddenly decided to walk the other path. Not because I've been beaten and battered into it either. I want to go there. It's my first choice. Which has elicited many a "are you sure you want to go to an all women's college....?" Yeah, I'm extremely sure. Men aren't God's divine creatures who I won't be able to live without, thank you very much. So, Early Decision One, whichmeans the deadline is november 15th which means poor Jaahil is more screwed than ever. I should stop entertaining dreams of going to Holyoke.

Basically, money, or its lack thereof, is the root cause of all the evil problems in my life. I hate you money.

So like..

2009-10-08T10:39:00.001-07:00

I changed my SAT to the 7th of November.
One day before the SAT.
I am a happy cookie. My mother, however, is an entirely different issue altogether and seems to be thinking that I'm refusing to give the SAT at all and making a fool out of her.
Haye.
BUT.

I CHANGED MY SAT DATE=D

Explanations unnecessary.

2009-10-04T10:47:00.001-07:00

Sanaa~ says:
yaar tum na obsess buhat kartee ho
i will
thappar you
pluto88 says:
I know. I think I am a convoluted form of a highly unsuccessful perefectionist.
Sanaa~ says:
HAHAHAHAHAHA
that
pluto88 says:
o.0
Sanaa~ says:
is so true.
i swear.
it is.
pluto88 says:
I know. FML.
x_x

Story of our lives. Sigh.

Eid Mubarak. -_-

2009-09-21T15:50:00.000-07:00

My memories for the past few days comprise of cough syrup, anti-allergy medicine, Panadols, green tea, honey, lemon, salt water gargles.... basically, anything that will rid me of this horribly disgusting flu that I seem to have caught. Apparently it's one of those "viral" thingies ( I hate that word, something always happens to me whenever I hear it's around.) that come and go as they please, so my efforts towards curing myself might as well be going down the drain.

My time is divided evenly between coughing, sneezing, spending quality time with my box of tissue paper, sounding like a foghorn and, when I have the luxury of it, sleeping. Unfortunately, all these funny medicines make me want to zonk out within an hour of me having taken them. Today was the first day of Eid, and I sedated myself with lots of sleepy-drugs and went out with the family trying to, but failing miserably at, looking like a happy cookie. I didn't even care that everyone complimented my sister on being dressed up like it was her wedding. The few times I did open my mouth to speak, my voice put me off so much that I had to shut up and devote myself to smiling inanely at random people. ( Random people I know, not random as in Walking-On-The-Sidewalk-So-I-Whistled-At-Them random.)

Apparently, even that little bit of talking was too much of a strain for my delicate throat. And this being the same throat that has vocal chords capable of jabbering on for hours, and hours and hours. Just imagine me not talking. Can you? I can't either. I came back home and I was almost croaking. So I drugged myself a little more, and went to bed. And here I am, up at 4:30 am, wide-eyed enough to be blogging. When I'd woken up, I thought my throat had miraculously healed itself because I could talk and I didn't sound so bad. It didn't even hurt. But about 40 minutes later, it's back to square one. Whoever said sleep fixes a sore throat can just go suck it. It doesn't.

Then there's my mum, who seems to think I'm about to drop dead every single time I fall ill, which is at least once a month ( I found this out because Abdul and Aki were talking about how often I seem to be ill, and once a month was their average). I think she should, by now, be used to the fact that I have a screwed up immune system and I won't eat desi ghee ke parathay to fix it. She thinks it's because I didn't eat pakoras this ramadan and constantly reminds me of how I was a healthy and happy (Read fat and ugly) kid. At least my face doesn't look like a balloon anymore.

Also, I'm convinced that I'm jinxed. This time, I have RotMUN starting on Thursday. When I had typhoid, I couldn't be in the school play. Everysingletime I'm about to do something fun, I fall ill. Divine intervention, karma or does someone really, really hate me?

I wouldn't know.
I want to talk again. =(

My sister talks in her sleep...=\

2009-09-17T04:05:00.000-07:00

So my sister just randomly woke up and said
"Mera card kahan hai?"

me: Kauna card?

"Jo meine Sehri per khana tha. Abhi sehri hai. Mera card laakar dou."

me: .... abhi sehri nai hai stupid.

"Abhi sehri hai. Iftar ke waqt jo khaatay hain, woh iftaari hotee hai. Yeh sehri hai. Mera card kahan hai?"

Me: Mein dhoond kar detee huun 5 minutes mein. Go back to sleep.

"-mumbles something and goes back to sleep-"

0.o

Whuddaeff time.

2009-08-28T04:16:00.000-07:00

This is not a good time for me to be alive, or applying to college. Because when you're broke, you shouldn't aim, or dream big. You should limit yourself to that obscure-university-in-some-random-part-of-the-city bubble, from which you may never escape.

Then there's the recession. Students with excellent credentials are lining up for financial aid, unsure of whether they'll actually get in because they've applied for aid with their admissions. There's tonnes of them. What can someone with 5 O level As aspire to? You might try, but if at the end of the day everything just falls flat on its face, there really isn't anything to be done.

(IHaveAlsoLostMyOLevelSocioCertificateWhichLeavesMeWith4andNot5As)

Of course, we've got that one place in Pakistan that everyone wants to go to, no prizes for guessing which one. Their selection criteria is tougher than that of some of the best universities in the world.

The world gives me more and more incentives to shoot myself.

2009-08-21T22:24:00.001-07:00

For the millionth time in my life, my pc has crashed.
*Shoots herself*

Room number 4 and Murgha.

2009-08-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

So, back to that chicken coop otherwise known as School. Now Lyceum, as some of you might know, is tiny (Pictures here ). Top that off with the vertical construction, and the addition of rooms wherever there might be any space left over, any corner where, God forbid, SUNLIGHT can find the poor, unassuming lambs that the student body comprises of. I walked into school to find all the A2s (i.e what we've become now.) crowding around the front. Near the fountain. On the mooras. The benches. Stumbling over each other. Shoving and nudging to get a glimpse of those pieces of paper which would let them know how screwed they are for the next year. And then there was the lack of fans. And Victor strutting about gleefully, trying to bully people, and failing miserably at it.

It was then that I decided to go check out what was happening in the shed. And I realised why everyone was crowded around the front. The shed, where the ever abundant supply of mooras were found early in the morning in straight rows, was closed off. No mooras, only lots of cement, workers, and noise pollution.

So I got myself fries and tried to feel better about the whole situation, and I hadn't even checked my timetable yet. When I did, however, I had to stuff myself with yet more fries, because I am extremely screwed. I have constant literature classes. I will be eating, sleeping, breathing, crapping, talking... everythinging literature at school this year. Now I love the subject, but 3 hours of literature class without break...Seriously? No, please.

Then there's the case of the wretched room 4. Last year, there was no such thing as room for at the Lyceum. No sign of it. Therefore, confused I was when I found out I'd be living in Room 4. Most of my literature classes are there. So are a few sociology and history classes. Room 4 is tiny, without ( at the expense of sounding like a brat) an airconditioner. The only saving grace, and a feeble one at that, is the view of the huge house next door, with that big garden and the desi murgha roaming around insolently, with his feathers gleaming in the sun.(Friend: What the hell. Inn ke ghar mein murgha kyuun hai? Me: There was one in your house too... Friend: No, but that was a chooza that grew into a murgha. Me: How can you say that this one wasn't? Besides.. your family ate that one...... My point being, the murgha will be a source of many inane discussions to come. I have bagged the seat by the window.) But the murgha I will get to see only if I get very lucky, because on a plot of land that big, he could go off anywhere (He disappeared today). I have yet to figure out whether that huge garden with the murgha( as entertaining an avenue as it might be for my daydreaming ventures), has been strategically placed right fucking next door to torment us. I mean. Here we are, at the Lyceum. Cooped up, with no source of light, no fans....350 students ( 750-800 when the A1s come), in this small building, bumping into each other again and again, and there he is, a murgha in all his feathery glory, on that vast expanse of land......all alone..happy....

It is so, so ironic. I wouldn't be surprised if that thing turned around and mooned me.

On my first day back to school, I gained 5 pounds, got screwed over and died in the heat.

Rain.

2009-07-20T08:22:00.000-07:00

This post will be edited soon. Hoohaa.
My city was drowning, and traces of it can be seen everywhere you look. Also, we didn't have electricity for 48 hours, and tv still isn't working.
Details later p33pz.
Tata.

A tag list I actually like.

2009-07-01T05:24:00.000-07:00

1) Look at the list and put an ‘X’ after those you have read.
2) Tally your total at the bottom.
3) Tag a few people you think would enjoy sharing similar information about their book interests.

1 Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings – JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series – JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four – George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials – Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
11 Little Women – Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles – Thomas Hardy (I became lazy halfway through.)
13 Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca – Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit – JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong – Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye – JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch – George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind – Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby – F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House – Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited – Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck (Soon =D)
29 Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows – Kenneth Grahame(Never.)
31 Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield – Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia – CS Lewis
34 Emma – Jane Austen
35 Persuasion – Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe – CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin – Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh – AA Milne
41 Animal Farm – George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code – Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney – John Irving
45 The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery (does the abridged version count?)
47 Far From The Madding Crowd – Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies – William Golding
50 Atonement – Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi – Yann Martel
52 Dune – Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm – Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility – Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy – Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind – Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time – Mark Haddon.
60 Love in the Time of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
62 Lolita – Vladimir Nabokov (Soon, again=D)
63 The Secret History – Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones – Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road – Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure – Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jone’s Diary – Helen Fielding
69 Midnight’s Children – Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick – Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist – Charles Dickens
72 Dracula – Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island – Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses – James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons – Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal – Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession – AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas – David Mitchel
83 The Color Purple – Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day – Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary – Gustave Flaubert(erm. Soon)
86 A Fine Balance – Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web – EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven – Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes – Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection – Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness – Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory – Iain Banks
94 Watership Down – Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces – John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice – Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers – Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet – William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables – Victor Hugo (er..soon....)

Just 22.

A lot of these books are in my dad's collection, so I will get to reading them eventually. I feel illiterate now. Tsk=(
22 books in the 18 years I've been around.=(

So true.

2009-06-24T00:02:00.000-07:00

Laila
I have found the answer to one of life's greatest mysteries.

Sanaa
which iss...?

Laila
Okay, I'd been waiting to ask this question for a long time, but I couldn't find the right person. But now I have:
Q. Why are boys so stupid?
A. They are not stupid. They pretend to be. (Why would they do that?) To lower your standards.
at first I was like WTF. But now I get it. ^^

Sanaa
Yes
see
theyre moronic
so they can get away with their bullshiz

Laila
ahaan. I've actually seen this behavior in men.
My dad, for example. He can be having a conversation with my mum but the second she mentions something he doesn't want to respond to, he pretends to have fallen asleep. I'm not kidding.

Sanaa
men. its an affliction that strikes all ages=\

Laila
mmhm. Actually the thing I hate most about men...
Is that they don't know when they want to compliment your or insult you. So they'll give you a mix of an insult and compliment and then leave it to your interpretation. and then if you ask them they give you some BS cryptic answer
Even if their relationship with you it totally platonic. The only man I've met who doesn't do this is my nana.

Sanaa
cause your nana is cool
the rest of them are twits

Laila
Me: -_--_-
D: Chinese eyes again!
Me: =/ is that better?
D: Definitely. it looks a lot more like you = )
me: is that a good or bad thing.
D: Whichever you want it to be.

Miss Pakistan World. Zomg.

2009-06-19T03:20:00.000-07:00

Oh look. It's Miss Pakistan WORLD.
I was randomly browsing, and I came across this wonderful website. How very nice. Our very own beauty pageant. For Pakistani girls. Aww.

Now, I've never been a big fan of beauty pageants. While some people choose to believe that is the case because I do not resemble (and will never resemble) in any shape or form, a beauty pageant contestant, I beg to differ. And I can state more than a hundred reasons for that, but you can google feminism, and you'll find instant answers(or links that lead to them, anyway) so let us not waste our valuable time.

So about this website. The Miss Pakistan World pageant, from what I have gathered using my incredible investigative journalism skills (too many hours of boredom+immense desire to find something to mock/laugh at/rant about)is that it was started in 2002 for Pakistani girls belonging "mainly to North America and Europe", and apparently spread like a plague to the rest of (?) the world. The president of this event happens to be a certain Miss Sonia Ahmed, who hopes for a Modern Pakistan through..you guessed it... MISS PAKISTAN WORLD! *confetti moment*
Miss Sonia Ahmed with some douche called Mika Singh

Not only is the website cheaply made, they want to charge people $500 dollars for entry into a competition that reeks of utter uselessness. It's like Rizwan Beyg proclaiming "Oh I think it's absolutely wonderful that despite the recession the fashion family manages to get together and celebrate its creativity!". Delightful, a bunch of elitist twits getting together to check out clothes, buy clothes, talk clothes, dance clothes, eat clothes and everythingelseclothes. Which reminds me of this segment on the Nadia Khan Show (If you haven't heard of it, you are either living under a rock, or are blissfully unaware of a thing known as bored housewife syndrome, which touches all of us. Actively, or passively. Like secondhand smoke.)which shows what's going on with the middle aged yuppies in Dubai. They showed a "fundraising" dance party a few days ago, and it was, to put it quite succintly, revolting. Sweaty, frumpy, middle aged men and women doing weird bhangra moves on a dance floor. However, it was an amazing way to have them feel good about themselves (everyone looked ugly and frumpy, you see.) and extort them. Way to go fundraisers! Not only have you provided for the education of poor children in Pakistan, you have also given them footage to amuse themselves with while learning the important lesson of how not to behave like an absolute dumbfuck.

Back to Miss Pakistan World. Here you can find the contestants. Three whole years of them. Even the gallery is a bit shady, they all look like they're involved in the making of a pornographic film about psuedo Pussy Cat Dolls, as if the PCD weren't pornographic enough themselves. (Jai Ho feat. PCD, anyone?) I mean, what is this?

I used to be happy, not knowing such atrocities existed. No beauty pageants in/for Pakistan. What a wonderful world it was, even though it did put us in the same league as the Saudis with their stance on contests such as these. Not quite so drastic, but essentially the same. And look at this now. Enlightened Moderation too much? Much much much?
It's the tackiness of it all that's so shocking. You're not revolutionising the Pakistani society, you're just making it look tacky and disgusting.
I can see how this will get us respect from the rest of the world. I can already envision the investment funds pouring in, people dropping their warped image of pakistanis....

I see a better world. Oh yes I do.
*pukes*

Days in the life of Jaahil.

2009-06-18T07:12:00.000-07:00

Here is summer, June has passed its mid mark and as predicted, I have (yet again) succumbed to my role of universal uselessness. As mentioned in the previous post, I was going to look for an internship. I did look for said internship. However, the people at Dawn News seem to be a bunch of twits who do not understand the simple sentence " I do not want any money, I just want to get some work experience.". Either that, or they mistook me for an 8 year old who'd just get in the way while loitering about at the office. In a way I don't blame them. The did have poppies in their last advertisement. For those who do not know what the word poppies means, it's slang for the.. erm..."popular" crowd. Yes, the very same crowd of people who just happen, as I've mentioned in a different previous post, not to know what words like courtship and euphoria mean. Perhaps the folks at Dawn News are disillusioned with the youth of this country because of that particular incident. Or,they're just.. what's the word for it? Oh yeah. Douchebags. With 50 foot long iron rods up their asses. Whatever it is, hopefully it'll fix itself soon. Otherwise when they're crawling on their knees begging me to come work for them in the near future, I will kick them like any annoying ingrates ought to be kicked.

The other channel I wanted to apply to was Express 24/7. Yes, the same one that ripped off the SkyNews logo. That being besides the point, however. Express News does not have a website. What kind of a dysfunctional channel are they running? There is no website.WHAT IS WITH THAT? Furthermore, try getting their phone number from the numskull operators who sit behind those telephones you're connected to every time you dial 1217. After holding the receiver in your hand till it's painfully numb ( the hand. Not the receiver, an operator finally blesses your tele-presence by answering your call. I asked for the Express 24/7's number. They gave me some funny 0800 number which seemed quite dubious to begin with, and which, as I found out, would just not connect. It just wouldnt. I have concluded that not only are the people at Express News utter and complete rip offs, they are tech retarded and idiotic, with phone lines which do not function.

And the Dawn News people are snobs. S N O B S.

Now that the first rant is out of my way, I will proceed to the next thing on my agenda:
Food.
On the 16th we had my sisters (late) birthday party. My mother and I cooked loads of food. I cooked more, because I had (being the wiseass that I am) offered to cook more. So I cooked. Some guests didn't turn up, which didn't help matters because there was a lot of food. I mean, a lot. So we decided to save some for next day, and freeze the rest for later. All ok? Everyone's happy? Not quite, but alrighty. After the food was frozen, we sat back and relaxed, and I told my mother "Just because I can cook, does not mean I want to get married." I didn't just say that. Oh no. You see, my cousin had mentioned some funny rishta talk. And the rishta talk radars on my ears immediately picked up on the suspicious conversation. But more of that later. The issue here is: Food.

So the next day, the lights went out at around 6:30 pm. Lucky for me, since I had started puking my guts out half an hour ago. I don't know what happened, but I couldn't stop throwing up. And before there are any jokes about the food I cooked, let me tell you, everyone was in excellent health, the only person who fell ill was me. Horror, horror. No electricity, and vomit. Wonderful. My mother came back, I was taken to the doctors, yada yada yada. The point again is: food.

The lights were out for about 22 hours. My heart was breaking as every hour passed. All the food that I'd cooked. All that hard work going to waste. Half the food went bad. As for KESC. I hope it dies and goes to hell.

.....And she's alive.

2009-05-26T07:20:00.000-07:00

My exams are over. *does little jig*
Not really, but I have only one more and I don't have to study for it. Therefore *resumes little jig*

As determined as I am that this summer should not go to waste, I'm not sure how I'm going to go about "not wasting" it. Because the excitement of being in the library lasts for about two weeks before I get bored/annoyed/restless and consequently emo about my life, calling it a variety of unflattering things such as...pathetic. Stupid. Useless. Sad. Non-existent.

My life has self esteem issues, I think. Perhaps. Maybe.

But then I have things to do. Prepare for the SATs. Get an internship. Devise ways to avoid house arrest. Get through my summer reading list. Make fun of the president.

Which reminds me. I live near Bilawal House. The location is a visual haven for Zardari fans. And I'm not one. So everyday, I pass by this poster of Zardari. A picture of his beautiful face, under which is written "SOCIALISM IS OUR ECONOMY.". I've seen it a million times, it still amuses me to no end.

Since I have nothing very useful/coherent to say, I'll wander around the house till I find something to do. Or I'll listen to The Gossip. I love The Gossip. Awesome funky music.

I want to study in New York or London. Something of a sucker for big city life, I am.

He kissed a boy....and he liked it....

2009-05-10T07:44:00.000-07:00

mr bum fun says:
a fat atheist once kissed me
he was 40 and weighed 200 pounds

Sanaa~ says:
HE?
A GUY?
YOU NEVER TOLD ME!

mr bum fun says:
went to see a comedy thing.. 2 atheists performing their entrance was all energetic highficing people... we were sitting right in frtont of the tiny stage and he just grabbed my face and kissed me before going on hahahahha

Sanaa~ says:
HAHAHAHAHAAH ARE YOU SERIOUS?
hahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahah

mr bum fun says:
yes
this was a few months before we started talking
Sanaa~ says:

lol lol lol lolllllll
hahah
im soo amused

mr bum fun says:
so yah ive kissed a guy (h)

Sanaa~ says:
mubarak ho aap ko =p
*you kissed a guy before you kissed a girl*HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

mr bum fun says:
omg youre right!

I love him. HAHAHAHA. <3

Whattay.

2009-05-09T13:55:00.000-07:00

This exchange took place a few hours ago between my mother and my seven year old sibling. I was quite amused. And hence:

Esha:Meri teacher ne mujhe ITNA SAARA HOMEWORK DIYA HAII!!

Mum: Haye meri becharee bachee. Tum tou saara dinn kaam kar kar ke thakk gayee hogee.

Esha:*thinking she must put mum's concerns to rest* nai....itna kaam nai kiya... subah ko kiya thaa.. 10 se 11 bajay takk.. haan...phir time hee nai mila..

Mum:*on high alert* Acha baita? Kya masroofiaat theein aapkee?

Esha:Sona.... tv dekhna..cycle chalaana.....buhat kaam hota hai...

Mum:Baita, mein aap kee pitaai karoon?

Esha: NAI NA MEINE AAJ ITNEE DAIR CYCLE CHALAYEE MEIN GIR BHI GAYEE, AB MEIN THAKK GAYEE HUUN, MEIN SONAY JAARAHEE HOON, KOIEE ISS GHAR MEIN MUJHE CHAIN SE BAITHNE NAI DETA.

Yes. We have a regular Star Plus show in the house.

SPOGG all the way. ^_^

2009-04-01T18:57:00.000-07:00

I have found out from PR that the pathetic excuses for literature students whom I mentioned in my last post displayed their lack of knowledge about the English language, yet again.
What does courtship mean?
Courtship. Ehmagawddd. WHUZZATT?! 0.o
I feel rather sorry for these people, I honestly do. First of all, they have such a wonderful grasp over the English language. And then, their eloquence in Urdu is astounding. It's like they've manufactured their own language, a dumbed down version of Minglish (as if Minglish isn't already dumbed down enough.-_-)punctuated with too many "OhMaGawd, like, tohtallllyy."s. And they're perfectly alright with being absolute dumbfucks. No issues whatsoever.

http://www.spogg.org/

Please join, and do yourself and the rest of the world a favour. The Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar is a dream come true. I need merchandise. I will roam around wearing SPOGG t-shirts because they're incredibly sexy. With my awesome SPOGG mug. *swoons*

In other news, I've been out of touch with blogdom because I've been busy having, you know, a life.
Not really.
I'm just big fat lump of laziness, and it's going to get me into serious trouble one of these days but I'd still rather be promoting SPOGG than doing "something useful" like studying. Pfft. SPOGG is a very, very worthy cause to promote. These people want to help the gramatically retarded. Or shame them into making an attempt to improve. Studying ain't got nuttin' on dat, yo.
So my transcripts will be horrible, and no university will accept me with the pathetic SAT score I'm going to get, but, I will be happy because I helped SPOGG.

2009-02-21T21:01:00.000-08:00

There are people in my literature class who do not know what the word "euphoria" means. Who let these people take literature? And where do they come from? =S

More later.

Twlight Bashin'

2009-02-14T14:50:00.000-08:00

I have a friend who hates Twilight so much, he read all four books just so he could bash it.
He texted me a while ago saying:

Twilight keeps getting better. Bella the village hick is now a vampire who exhibits an uncanny controld over her thirst. The Demon baby who rips out of her womb is a few weeks old. Her Edward rebound Red Indian turned werewolf is madly in love with demon baby.

That woman wrote drug fuelled trash.

He forgot to mention how Jacob practically moved in with the Cullens.
But.
HAHAHA=D

HAHA.

2009-02-13T09:33:00.000-08:00

Mario has gone Valentine crazy.
She tried to hook Ataka up with Waqax.
Who tYp3X lYk3 Dix.
When asked why he uses an X instead of an S, he said ( in his psuedo, very, very fake "American" drawl) * becaaaaaaaaaaaaauzze, you haaaave taa press 4 times for S but just once for X.* Whattayyy reasoning.
I once went through Mario's inbox, took me five minutes to decipher one message of his.

SHE TRIED TO HOOK ATAKA UP WITH WAQAX.

Ok sorry, this is just....extremely amusing.

Just for the record, she didn't say yes. She's my date. (h)

My mommy is awesome.

2009-02-09T10:30:00.000-08:00

Sanaa~ says:
my mum is making up weird stories to tell ,my sister.
Sanaa~ says:
0.o
Sanaa~ says:
and im the one cracking up at them. sheesh
Mani says:
like?
Sanaa~ says:
umm
Sanaa~ says:
* aik chooza tha. ussne murghi kee taang khaalee. phir woh ghada bann gaya. lekin jo murghi kee taang thee, ussko kuttay ne chaata tha. tou woh jo gadha thaa, woh kuttay kee tarah bhonknay laga. ussko dekh kar billi darr kar bhaagnay lagee, tou bhaagtay bhaagtay woh haathi se takraa gayee, haathi bechara girr gaya, lekin uss ne billi ko sorry bola.*
Sanaa~ says:
and so on.
Mani says:
hmm. some interesting metaphors there...
Mani says:
the elephant could very possibly represent the english.
Sanaa~ says:
HAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAH OH GOD.
Mani says:
gigantic, loafsome, yet polite.
Mani says:
the cat represents all the people, mostly women (i like how your mother's engendered it to be feminine), who run away from things based on fear.
Sanaa~ says:
what about the chooza that became a donkey and barked ?
Mani says:
the gadha/kutta thing, i feel, portrays very effectively cross-culturalism. as in, i look desi, but i sound like i'm american/british.
Mani says:
it's just generallly about change
Mani says:
for example...
Sanaa~ says:
in the end the murghi retrieves its taang from the donkeys stomach and the donkey becomes a chooza again and the billi realises what he is, and starts chasing him
Mani says:
the muslim chooza ate unhalal chicken, and became a BBCD who shows no respect for religion.
Mani says:
again, it perfectly paints typical progressions within each mindset.
Mani says:
the woman's fear is absolved, and thereby it will continue cchasing the chooza.
Sanaa~ says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH
Mani says:
the murghi is no longer being eaten by the donkey, who realises what it really is, and stops sounding like a dog too.
Mani says:
your mum should write absurdist literature for children. what the hell is she doing being a lawyer?
Sanaa~ says:
ive realised my mum likes making stories about choozas
Mani says:
possibly
Sanaa~ says:
like there was this one
Mani says:
ooh
Sanaa~ says:
and theres this series of stories from my childhood
Mani says:
more absurdist interpretation
Sanaa~ says:
about a chooza called timmoo
Sanaa~ says:
who was a naa laaik chooza
Sanaa~ says:
his mum kicked him out
Sanaa~ says:
she said tu naa laik hai, parhta nai hai, jaa dafa hoja
Sanaa~ says:
then he moved in with a chirrya
Sanaa~ says:
and was going to get married to her..but he had to try very hard to convince her
Sanaa~ says:
her had to like.. clean up her ouse and shit
Sanaa~ says:
=\
Mani says:
your mum's clearly a feminist.
Mani says:
and believes in the reversal of traditional roles within the household.
Mani says:
unfortunately, the society she was born and raised in, and belongs to, doesn't sufficiently consider her opinion worth appraisal, let alone her desire to triumph alone without doing it at the behest of a man
Mani says:
as such, she has to paint her true colours through the medium of storytelling involving choozas.
Mani says:
this story also reeks of a twisted romanticism. that she would be found by a man who was madly in love with her, and completely willing to be kept under foot, if only he could marry this lovely bird.
Mani says:
may i point out the irony of the bird being female (chicks, birds, all modern slang for the woman), and the man being a rodent, therefore implying that he is weak, dependent, and completely lacking protection or cunning.
Sanaa~ says:
hahahahahaha ILOVE HOW YOURE PSYCHANALYSING MY MUM=P
Mani says:
i rate your mom's story 4 stars
Sanaa~ says:
the man is a chooza=\
Sanaa~ says:
called timmoo
Sanaa~ says:
get your facts right mani!
Mani says:
chooza kya hota hai?

What is this?=\

2009-02-09T07:20:00.000-08:00

For about 6 years, I couldn't wait to get out of Karachi and go off to university, get away from home, meet new people in a new place.

However, the typhoid has altered my brain chemistry. I realised that next September, I wouldn't be home. And I was like "OMG. MOMMY. WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT MY MOMMY??" And I wanted to bawl.

What is wrong with me?=\

So Pointless.

2009-02-07T10:41:00.000-08:00

This is a pointless blog post. It is as pointless as a loser in a banyaan trying to hit on me. Or him thinking that trying to shove food into my mouth will win him my affection. (There IS such a loser at my school, who has the ghastly habit of trying to shove food into the mouths of his potential paramours. I am not even joking.)
But, as pointless as this post is, it's my blog. I can be as pointless on it as I like. So suck it bitchezz.

I apologize for my lack of eloquence.

I didn't get to go to the Kamila Shamsie book launch, surprise surprise. I was, instead, dragged off to my pupho's, where I was told off for displaying 3 inches of leg, told I was a heretic, and predictions were made about my afterlife. ( I am to suffer eternal damnation, just so you know. For the legs, and for the nails. God hates me.)My sister, who was in a sleeveless shalwar kameez, got to hear worse. Not only is she going to hell, she is going to be in Dante's 7th circle of the wretched place. I think I might go into the 3rd or 4th. So I'm still better off, I suppose. (h)

Went to Ataka's house today. Was a whole lot of fun. We almost peed in our pants laughing, but stopped just in time. We also sat in her bathtub, and took pictures. Fully clothed, mind you. ( stop trying to conjure up sick mental images, you perverted bastards) I love the Japani-ness of that girl. I think I'll marry her. Besides, she has this awesome smelling hairspray which can totally be used as body spray. Ok fine, that's just me trying to cover up what I did. Here is what happened:

Me: * Happily sprays on nice smelling "body spray" in Ataka's bathroom*
Ataka: That's HAIRSPRAY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
Me: * stops* WHAT?
Ataka: *falls down laughing*
Me: DUDE. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW, IT SMELLS NICE!
Ataka: Yeah it does. But it's hairspray.
Me: It doesnt SAY so.
Ataka: It does!
Me: WHERE?
Ataka: HERE!
Me: That's in Japanese. Loser.
Ataka: Oh...yeah...

And the following exchange should make a certain someone very happy:

Ataka: You want a foot massage?
Me: No.
Ataka: Are you SURE you don't want one? I'll give you a foot massage you know.

Foot massages lead to a lot else. Maybe Ataka's finally leaning towards homosexuality, in which case, I should also change my orientation. Perfectissimo it would be.

I'm supposed to be studying, but I'm blogging pointlessly. How awesomely awesome am I? Got Crime and Punishment today. I like it so far. Let's see how we proceed.

Pointlessness over.

When I Bunk Class.

2009-02-06T00:38:00.000-08:00

When I went to school in the morning today, I went with the knowledge that I had not done my socio homework. I was also aware of the fact that the homework had been given to be by Bitch-Socio-Teacher-From-Hell, who hates me, and whose class I hate with a passion. The other two teachers are fine, ( especially the hot one. She's hot. And I'm slightly gay.)but this one has major issues.

So I don't go to my 8:40 am class. I instead, decide that I will do my homework in the first and second periods(which were from 8 to 9:20) then go to the 10 am class. Except that, change of events. I met people, I got distracted, I didn't feel upto it. Hence, I ended up not going to class, not doing my homework and not going to the 10 am class either.

After which, we had history. Now our history teacher has decided to make a quick run to the Maldives because she's fucking sick of our faces. Who wouldn't be, if they have to teach people like DS. So, I realised that the last time she wasn't there, the same bitch socio teacher had decided to fill in for her. And I thought *OMGWTF*. I sneaked up to my history class, to check if bitch teacher with extremely shrill, annoying voice and a tendency to repeat herself 10 times was there. She wasn't. Then Maryam, more commonly known as Squeaky, announced that we were, in fact, supposed to watch a movie today in History Teacher's absent. And I thought *hallejullah!*. So far, so good. The whole class went upstairs to the AV room, which seems to be the favourite room of the whole school. Something to do with the fact that it is the nicest room in school into which students are allowed access. Just when we were about to enter the AV room, this weird dude from the library, who goes * SHHHHHHHHHHH* every time you even sneeze, blocked our entry. And started interrogating us. The exchange was as follows:

Freaky Dude: Kyuun aaye ho yahan?
Me: Movie dekhnee hai.
FD: Kisi se poocha hai?
Me: Miss Aisha se.
FD: Unhon ne permission dee?
Me: *getting irritated* haan.
FD: Kaunsee movie dekhnee hai?
Me: * A porno, you fucktard.* Pata nai.
FD: Tou phir andar nai aayein abhi aap loag.
Me: *wanting to kick guys in balls.*

*enter Squeaky*

Squeaky: People! SD is going to take our class, go downstairs! ( SD being bitch teacher.)
Me: Oh shit. I'm not going to class.

So I decided I'd bunk history too. Except that history didn't happen, eventually, so yay?

Basically, I went to only one class today. I feel like I wasted my day. Oh well, worth it.

In other news, I REALLY WANT TO GO SEE KAMILA SHAMSIE AT T2F TODAY OMG OMG OMG=|

Pre Valentine's Whine.

2009-02-04T11:01:00.000-08:00

I was actually looking forward to V day in a high school setting. I was well prepared for it too, you know, I'd even selected the couples I'd make fun of. ( All of them, if you'd like to know.)

Valentine's days in my life, ever since I discovered their..err... "significance", have been disasterous. Seriously. I miss the days of my childhood, when I went to Park Towers one V day and saw a "Couples Karaoke Competition" going on, and didn't know what to make of it. I also didn't know why my mum was being so disdainful. What I did know, however, that Iris and With or Without You got throughly raped by "couples". It has been ingrained into my memory forever.

Anyhoo, so on to disasterous V days. Oh, from where do I start the tale of my misfortunes. Three crappy V days in a row. All because of the same idiot. The things we do, and regret, in life. I don't see how I could let a sexist moron playing tonsil hockey with someone else on Valentine's while calling me his "girlfriend" ruin it for me. Honestly. My judgements in the past are beyond my comprehension now. Rewind, and kick me.

So anyway, this Valentine's day, no issues whatsoever. And a plan for immense fun. Thwarted by my friend telling me that during our time in Lyceum, the wretched day of love falls on Saturday this year, and Sunday the next. Which made me very, very sad, and I missed the balloons from my birthday because they were pretty and made me happy. So I don't get to see V day nonsense at Lyceum. Dayem=(

No matter. I will collect my posse of single friends, and go over to, *drumrolls* PARK TOWERS.
I'm sure we'll find plenty to point and laugh at. Otherwise, keep the balloons ready.

When in history....

2009-02-02T10:54:00.000-08:00

Today in Jaahil's history class:

So we were doing imperialism in class today, and our teacher couldn't write on the board. So she asked DS, who got a 23% on his history midterm, and who, for reasons unknown is taking history and making an attempt at continuing his education, to write. Her reasoning was "At least aisay tou parhlay ga".

Therefore, much hilarity ensued. DS seems to be more than partially dyslexic, and his spelling abilities were amazing. He had to have "Henry" spelt out for him. After looking around stupidly, because he couldn't keep up or comprehend, DS finally resumed writing. Teacher said "Henry Morton Stanley acted as an agent for the Exploration and Civilization of Africa. Civilisation with a capital C"
DS wrote: Henry Mortan Stanlee agent for Capital civilisation of Africa.
That was the point when history teacher gave up, and told one of the more intellectually capable members of the class to write on the board.

You've got to see it to believe the idiots we have in school. It's seems impossible.

One More Time

2009-02-02T08:30:00.000-08:00

So I lifted this off Laila's blog. Haha.

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

1) IS THIS OKAY?
Move Along- All American Rejects

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY?
The Church of Hot Addiction- Cobra Starship( hahahahah)

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Dani California- RHCP

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Grey- Ani DiFranco

5) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
American Idiot- Greenday

6) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Breathe- Telepopmusik

7) WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Trains- Porcupine Tree

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
I Don't Love You- My Chemical Romance (Again, ahahahah)

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
Latika's theme

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST-FRIEND?
It's Time To Dance- Panic At The Disco

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU REALLY LIKE?
Billie Jean- Chris Cornell Cover

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
All You Wanted- Michelle Branch

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Hummer-Foals

14) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Lonelily- Damien Rice

15) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Hella Good- No Doubt

16) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Apologize ( You really want to know who it's by? And ahahahahahahah)

17) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST
Rough Hands- Alexisonfire

1 8) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Untouchable Face- Ani DiFranco

19) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Save Tonight ( Again, really want to know who it's by?)

20) WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Miss Misery- Elliot Smith

21) WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Lost!- Coldplay

22) WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Scottie Doesn't Know- Sum 41 ( It actually makes me cry, it's that bad.)

23) WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Seventeen Ain't So Sweet- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

24) HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Coil- Opeth ( eh?=\)

25) WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Oh Hot Damn, This Is My Jam. ( I kid you not. Hahahaha)

26) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Keep It Clean- Camera Obscura

27) DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
I Will Follow You Into the Dark- Death Cab For Cutie

2 8) WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Swallowed in the Sea- Coldplay

29) IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Electricity- Anathema

30) WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
One More Time- Daft Punk

2009-01-30T13:25:00.000-08:00

Can'tsleepcan'tsleepcan'tsleep=(

Damn my stupid sleeping patterns.

Birthday Girl.

2009-01-29T08:33:00.000-08:00

BEST birthday I've had in YEARS. In fact, best birthday since I became a teenager. I attribute it to the presence of awesome friends, and a lack of boyfriends which = perfect recipe for a non-disasterous scene. Boyfriends are lethal. Really. How I've wasted my previous birthdays crying over someone who was, frankly, not worth it. Maybe I am finally growing up, and as Zh said it may just be the *beggining of the better years of life*. Let's hope so.

Went to school in the morning after a fortnight. Had my friends running at me squealing and hugging me. Got Andy the stuffed turtle to err...*make out* with me. And no, it was not something I chose to do. It was PR and her insanity. Anyhoo. Then Asad K turned up with my balloons, and I was so happy. Silver, pink and blue ones. And those were tied to my bag and I roamed around like that for the rest of the day, with random people wishing me happy birthday. I even got to skip a history test haha.

And then, I got home. And Ataka and Mario turned up with cake and Moti the turtle, and we had a mini party with much laughing. <3

So it wasn't my 18th birthday bash, but for someone who's had 5 years of miserable birthdays, it was more than I could've asked for. =)

2009-01-28T00:15:00.001-08:00

Haha, I took a personality test, and my emotional stability came to 10%.
Oh hot dayemm. =P

Nicole Atkins is love.

2009-01-20T19:24:00.000-08:00

Discovered her on AXN. If you've heard her, awesome. If you haven't, I suggest you download NOW.

She has a very classy retro feel to her music, but its not Amy Winehouse Retro. It's more mature, more elegant somehow. And shes got an awesome voice<3

I fell in love with The Way It Is.

2009-01-20T02:48:00.000-08:00

I am permanently jinxed. I am sure of it now.

No job.
No money.
Typhoid.
Sad life.

Yeah.

Jinxed.

Typhoid

2009-01-17T19:44:00.000-08:00

*whines*
*cries*
*throws tantrum*
MAKE IT GO AWAY. =(=(

2009-01-15T19:40:00.000-08:00

So I've been really ill, and yesterday I thought I was going to die. Hence, I was taken to the hospital and given one of those drip thingies ( And I HATE needles). Anyhoo, after that was done, I came back and spent about...well the whole day and the whole night in bed. Today, I have to go for a blood tests and God knows how much I hate THOSE things. Last time I got one, that idiotic man couldn't find my vein and kept on jabbing the needle into my arm and let me tell you, it was not pleasant. The doctors are making all sorts of nice predictions. One says it could be jaundice. Another says it could be typhoid. And another one says it could be malaria.

I'm hoping it's neither. I hate missing school.

I even missed my play auditions=(

2009-01-10T11:35:00.000-08:00

I've learnt that, it pays to save funny bits from MSN conversations that you've had. Or Facebook chats. It can make your day.
Some examples:

Me: Dude, no one messages me. I should like frandship people and be like "HERE HAVE MY NUMBER PLEASE MUJHE MESSAGE KARNA". I think I might just be that sad one of these days...

Meh Meh: You know...this chick did that to me in the washroom of a restaurant.. I was like =S=S=S=S

Me: Or maybe not........
******
From Ataka and my conversations:

Sanaa~ says:
*tries to ignore the fact that she is the BLACK hugger*
Sanaa~ says:
i am not a racist.
Sanaa~ says:
*mutters*
Bring the coffee, toffee. says:
msn is
Sanaa~ says:
yes exactly
Sanaa~ says:
i mean
Sanaa~ says:
we cant go
Sanaa~ says:
*two of the green msn hug smileys*
Sanaa~ says:
HAHAHA THAT
Sanaa~ says:
LOOKS LIKE A PAIR OF IDENTICAL TWINS ABOUT TO HAVE BUTTSEX
Sanaa~ says:
HAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHA
Bring the coffee, toffee. says:
HAHAHAHAHA

Aisha
i watched the last king of scotland on star movies and loved it so i bought it

Sanaa
andd?

Aisha
and i put it on for my thirteen year old cousin
and DUDE
star movies had censored out the sex parts and I didn't even know that!:O:O

After I put this on my quotes:

Aisha

and IDIOT

i must have said much better things worthy of facebook

******

Mani says:
why you speak like asian person with no articles in sentence?
Mani says:
geh.
Sanaa~ says:
because we asian people who not know about articles in sentencing.
Mani says:
you shithead. go school. learn something. use articles in sentence.
Sanaa~ says:
no thenks. i'm kh3wlz. and asian. yeah huh.

******

And a batchmate:

Farouk
u no smoking is more disgusting than anything else
u shud stop

Sanaa
hahah why

Farouk
becaus u get lun cancerr

Sanaa
LUN CANCER? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

To think of all the stuff I have not saved=(

2009-01-09T01:52:00.000-08:00

A, B in history.
B, A in Literature.
D, E in Sociology.

Hahahahha.
I really, really hate socio.
But not in as much trouble as I though I was. So yay.

Fun For Me- Moloko and Portishead

2008-11-06T08:04:00.000-08:00

I LOVE THIS SONG.
DLOAD.
NOW.
=D

I dreamt that I was dreaming
I was wired to a clock
I tinkle by the minute Hey
Tick tock tick tick tock
I dream I'm on a train
and it is making music
I Don't remember getting off
Klickity Klick Klickity Klick
I dreamt that I was very tall
I was Bigger than King Kong
I heard the bell the bells
a ringin a ding dong a ding dong
I dreamt that I was sitting
In the devil's company
He made a solemn promise
Fee Fi Fo Fun For Me
I dreamt I was chasing
the monster out of me
I got him in a corner
A Ha Ha Hee Hee Hee
I dreamt I'm in a tunnel
Between here and now
Scooby Dooby
A where would you be?
Bow Wow Wow Wow
I dream I'm at a crossroads
No place left to go
I look in each direction
A Iney A Meeny a Miney Moe
I dreamt that I expired
But you aren't looking dead
There's a knocking at the window
A Rat Tat Tat Tat A Rat Tat Tat
I dream I am an ostrich
Head deep in the sand
There's a rhythm that's a playin'
Hit 'da stick
Elastic Band
Na Na Na.....
I dreamt that the Boogieman went down on Mr Spock
Sugar was'a flowin'
Shock it to 'em sock
I dreamt I saw a moo cow jump across the moon
Just to fly the fan says
Zoom zoom zoom
I dreamt I meet a space man
He took me to his ship
Ya know he cut my hair off
Snip snip snip
I dreamt that I was sleeping
Asleep for Heaven's sake
I dreamt I was a dreaming
It cause me to awake
Fee Fi Foe Fun For Me
Fun For Me
Fee Fi Foe Fun For Me
Fun For Me
I dreamt I was way up
I was standing on the top
With the feeling I was falling
Floppy Flop
I dreamt I'm jumping in the circus through a hoop
Some one shut the lights off
Shopp Dee Doo
I dreamt that I was fast
I was never shuttin' up
I was goin' in a hurry
I was Giddy Yup, Giddy Yup!
I dream I'm in the park
I'm standing in the nudie
Getting what I want
Tutti Fruity Tutti Fruity
Fee Fi Foe Fun For Me
Fun For Me
Fee Fi Foe Fun for Me
Fun For Me
I dreampt I was dreaming
I was wired to a clock
Tickle by the minute Hey
Tock tick tock
I dream I'm on a train
And it is making music
Don't remember getting off
klickity Klick
I dreamt that I was very tall
Bigger than King Kong
I heard the bells A'ringin'
A'ring Ding Dong
I dream I am an ostrich
Deep in the sand
Rhythm is a plain'
Elastic Band
Elastic Band
Fee Fi Foe Fun For Me
Fun For Me..............
Fee Fi Foe Fun For Me
Fun For Me..............
Fee Fi Foe Fun For Me
Fun For Me..............
Fee Fi Foe Fun For Me
Fun For Me..............
Fee Fi Foe Fun For Me
Fun For Me..............
Fee Fi Foe Fun For Me
Fun For Me..............

2008-10-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

More later never came, apologies.
For those of you who've been keeping track of what's going on in my other blog ( yes, my completely sad and pathetic should-be-runover-by-a-truck-ish love life dominates it.)you should be able to guess that I've lost quite a bit of my amusing streak at the moment.

So muchos apologies.

On to the whining.

Or maybe not.

I feel like such a Pakistani Bridget Jones, it's not even funny. My list of whiny ramblings:

1) I hate thin people.
2) I hate food.
3) I hate being broke.
4) I hate turning into a gibbering mess in front of a certain person.
5) I hate homework.
6) I hate tests.
7) I hate it when teachers, in a very smug tone, say " welcome to college" everytime I tell them it's too much work.
8) I hate not having the time to read.
9) Or to watch tv.
10)To make up for that, I waste time online which leads to:
11)NOT DOING MY HOMEWORK AND GETTING INTO SHIT.

The zeal for being an A-grade student has become an irritating buzz in my head, but it's quite easy to ignore now.

Long live procrastination.

I think I'm rather manic depressive, but then everyone is. Im'ma buy a sticker from school that says:

Manic Depression.
Easy glum. Easy glow.

=)

Chand Raat.

2008-09-30T23:13:00.001-07:00

More later.=)

2008-09-28T03:58:00.000-07:00

New PC. w00t w00t. =D

I completely forgot to mention that Saad Haroon came to our school. PR blogged about it, and I remembered that I was one of the people who were hyperventilating. Hell, I even went and sat all the way in front. ON THE SAME TABLE AS DANISH ALI ( yes he was there too). I couldn't stop squealing. And giggling.
I must've looked retarded but OH MY GOD IT WAS SAAD HAROON AND DANISH ALI.
love love love.

Even my post is incoherent..
see..
<3

I.Love.Lyceum.

2008-09-21T02:16:00.000-07:00

For those of you who wonder why I seem to have been wiped off cyberspace, I have an answer: My PC crashed. Yes, finally, the battle is over.

Apart from that, too much is going on for me to write about. And so I will not write about it. Because I do not feel like it right now, and since I only have access to a computer when I don't feel like writing. well...........
Yeah.

Apart from the fact that there seems to be only one remote for all the ACs at Lyceum, it's pretty darn okay. Yeap.

And no, I will not say anything about the bomb blast.
We all know how we feel.

2008-09-06T04:14:00.000-07:00

Jaahil had her Lyceum Orientation today.
Jaahil LOVES Lyceum.
Jaahil sees happy times ahead.
Jaahil is DEE-LAAIGHT-IDDDD.

=D =D

If you're bored enough. Pliss.

2008-08-27T01:17:00.000-07:00

pluto88 says:
some WAT R U LOOKING $?!!!
pluto88 says:
or something
Sanaa~boreded. says:
ok i could... go on with this.. im so talented.
pluto88 says:
he doesn't know how NOT to write in cxapitals
pluto88 says:
ALL
pluto88 says:
HIS BLOGPOSTS ARE CAPITALISED
pluto88 says:
hahahha
pluto88 says:
send that to Young World
Sanaa~boreded. says:
i swearrr i should. theyll discovered untapped talent. and then ill be rich. RICH BAYBEH.
pluto88 says:
haha
pluto88 says:
yes, Young World'll give you millions
Sanaa~boreded. says:
young world wont but some kindly soul scouting for talent WILL.
pluto88 says:
BUT STILL
THE GUY WHO WONT STOP WRITING IN CAPITALS
Sanaa~boreded. says:
the guy who wont stop writing in capitals. A poem, by sanaa jatoi.
Sanaa~boreded. says:
*thinks*
pluto88 says:
hahaha
Sanaa~boreded. says:
there is a blog in cyberspace, filled with letters in UPPERCASE.
pluto88 says:
hahahaha
Sanaa~boreded. says:
from header to side bars to links on the side, it flaunts capitals with great PRIDE.
pluto88 says:
http://middleson.blogspot.com/
pluto88 says:
HAHAHAHAHA
pluto88 says:
SHIT
pluto88 says:
Dude
pluto88 says:
SNED IT
pluto88 says:
LIKE SERIOUSLY
pluto88 says:
just for funnn
pluto88 says:
and check it out
pluto88 says:
the Real Deal
pluto88 says:
Upper Case man
Sanaa~boreded. says:
ahahahahaha i will complete this masterpiece and send it. but ill change my name=p
Sanaa~boreded. says:
hahahahahaha
pluto88 says:
YEAH
Sanaa~boreded. says:
JUST WRITING THINGS THAT R ANONYMOUS 2 U OR KNOWN 2 U OR HAVE BEEN THROUGH, AND I WILL WRITE MY JOURNEY N LIFE AND SOME OTHER THINGS LIKE POETRY!

Sanaa~boreded. says:
HAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA
Sanaa~boreded. says:
listen im sitting in the library and making an ass out of myself but this is really funny
pluto88 says:
NOT MUCH,JUST A 16 YEAR OLD GUY WRITING STUFF AND PROVIDING STUFF AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE,I AM FROM SAUDI ARABIA LIVING IN THE EAST COAST OF IT
Sanaa~boreded. says:
WISH I WAS A CHILD AGAIN
NESTED IN MY MOTHER'S ARMS
WAITING TO HEAR AND MISSING TO HEAR IT'LL BE ALRIGHT.

BECAUSE ADULT PROBLEMS CAN SEEM AND COULD BE TOO TOUGH
AND HARD TO FACE IT ON MY OWN ALONE

AND I WISH I WAS A CHILD AGAIN
NESTED IN MY MOTHER'S ARMS

Sanaa~boreded. says:
avril lavigne meets carrie underwood meets annie the princess meets GAY FUCKER
Sanaa~boreded. says:
you know when ppl type in capitals.. the words kind of scream out in my head.. wait a second. *writes thought down for further emo reference*
Sanaa~boreded. says:
anyway so its like someone shouting constantly. this guys blog is giving me a headache
pluto88 says:
HAHAH
pluto88 says:
I KNOW
Sanaa~boreded. says:
and then he wants to embolden the script.. and its WORSE. its like the shouting gets louder
pluto88 says:
THE FEELINGS U GET FROM THIS SOCIETY IS DEPRESSION, SADNESS, MADNESS, ANGER AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, I AM TRYING MY BEST TO HIDE THESE FEELINGS TO NOT LET IT OVERCOME TO ME AND KILL ME!, BUT I ALWAYS BREAKDOWN WHEN I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT LITTLE GIRL (THAT WAS RAPED!!!), THE OLD GUY (THAT WAS MUGGED!!!), THE YOUNG BOY (THAT WAS ABUSED AND KIDNAPPED!!!).
pluto88 says:
Hahahaha
Sanaa~boreded. says:
HAHAHAHAH I KNOWWWWWWWW THE FIRST PARAGRAPHHH
Sanaa~boreded. says:
LOL LOL LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
Sanaa~boreded. says:
there. there.
Sanaa~boreded. says:
THEIR. NOT THERE. WTF
Sanaa~boreded. says:
I CRUMBLE LIKE A MOUNTAIN FALLING DOWN, IT IS ALL BECAUSE OF THE SONS OF BITCHES THAT ARE LEARNING THEM THE WRONG WAY!!! THE WRONG PATH!!!, THE WRONG ANSWERS!!!, THEY ARE BRAIN WASHING THEM!!! THEY ARE THE ONES WHO ARE KILLING THERE OWN CITY!!! THERE OWN KINGDOM!!!, THEY R THE ONES WHO R KILLING US!!!, KILLING OUR THOUGHTS!!!, MEMORIES!!!, MOMENTS!!!, FAMILIES!!!, RELATIVES!!!, SOCIETY AND THERE S
pluto88 says:
HAHAHHA
pluto88 says:
I KNOW
Sanaa~boreded. says:
whatay analogy. like a mountain crumbling down.
Sanaa~boreded. says:
mountain na hogya muffin hogya.
pluto88 says:
I'm a mountain sounds like
Sanaa~boreded. says:
NOW THEY ARE ALL FUCKED UP WITH UPSIDE DOWN THOUGHTS AND BELIEVES THAT WILL EVENTUALLY .......... KILL ......... ME!!!
pluto88 says:
he lost his boner permanently
Sanaa~boreded. says:
*snorts coke through nose*
Sanaa~boreded. says:
HAHAHAHAHHAH
Sanaa~boreded. says:
ok now that sounded like I was doing drugs. let me clarify. i meant coca cola.
Sanaa~boreded. says:
this makes me want to say ALLAH KEE QASAM YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR
pluto88 says:
hahahah
pluto88 says:
yes
pluto88 says:
COKE
pluto88 says:

pluto88 says:
DUDE
Sanaa~boreded. says:
have you..erm.. read his list of songs?
Sanaa~boreded. says:
smack that...
Sanaa~boreded. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
pluto88 says:
what's with the triple exclamation points!!!
Sanaa~boreded. says:
BE AWARE THAT VISIONS COMES AND GOES,
GOOD OR BAD YOU ARE TOAST
Sanaa~boreded. says:
..........
Sanaa~boreded. says:
ha.
Sanaa~boreded. says:
ha.
Sanaa~boreded. says:
ha.
Sanaa~boreded. says:
*doubles over and falls down laughing*
pluto88 says:
HAHAHAHA
pluto88 says:
FINDING NEMO
pluto88 says:
IN MOVIES
Sanaa~boreded. says:
IF YOU ARE TOAST, THEN DONT BOAST, BECAUSE YOU ARE BROWN, AND NOT WEARING A CROWN..
pluto88 says:
NEEEEMO-EMMMMOOOOO-PSEUDOOOO
Sanaa~boreded. says:
must. read. more
pluto88 says:
And WHY is toast coloured mustard?
Sanaa~boreded. says:
i dont know...=\
Sanaa~boreded. says:
i feel so inspired. i am going to write a whole BOOK. of poetry
Sanaa~boreded. says:
IN FACT I WILL WRITE AN EPIC POEM, AND IT WILL RHYME.
pluto88 says:
AND IT SHALL BE ON YOUNG WORLD
Sanaa~boreded. says:
YES. EVERYWEEK, A SECTION FROM MY MASTERPIECE.

The Beginning

2008-08-21T09:45:00.000-07:00

I went to Lyceum today to get my acceptance letter, and after only 2 and a half hours of sleep, I was in no mood for what was to happen.
So I go to the library, tell them I was asked to collect my acceptance letter.
It's not there.
I wait.
20 minutes later, the letter comes, except that the man very happily says " These are your subjects, right?"
History. Check.
Literature. Check.
Business Studies.
What.The.Fuck.
WAITAMINUTEINEVERASKEDFORBUSINESSSTUDIES.

" I didn't ask for business studies."
" Kal raat ko aapko phone kiya thaa tou aap ne accept kar tou liya thaa!"
"Jee, kyuunke kal raat ko unhon ne mujhe kahaa thaa mujhe History, Literature aur Sociology de rahay hain."
"Sociology kee tou waitlist hai."
"Tou mujhe raat ko bataa detay...mujhe business nai chahiye."
"Ab kya kar saktey hain? Aap yeh le lein, admission hojaye, uss ke baad dekh lee jiye ga."

Now as everyone knows, that is The Plan. The evil one, to make unsuspecting students fall for crap subjects no they don't want. Everyone also knows, that there are three subjects people generally do not want at Lyceum...or elsewhere even : Business, Urdu and Art ( unless there's a background in the subject..duh.. and the student wants to pursue arts or architecture). So anyhoo, you don't.go.there. That's all. The poor student pays, and then they're stuck with crappola subjects they never dreamed of doing.

So now what they do is, when the quota for one subject is filled, they start sending the rest of the "rejected" crowd into Business or Urdu. The thing is, there was no reason for them to reject me because I had an A in sociology and I knew people with Bs in socio who got it so it was an extremely omgwtf-ish situation.

So I sat. And waited. And waited. And waited.

And argued, because I hadn't deviated from the available combination and I freaking didn't want business. And so, I told them to give me economics if they couldn't give me sociology and if they were so bent on messing up their own combination. That did the trick, and they gave me sociology because I'm guessing there wasn't any room in economics either. So now I'll have to do econ privately. Or maybe not, but I'm really not looking forward to this, because I won't have time to do anything else=(.

Then they sent my file downstairs, and when it came back to the library after half an hour the stupid thing still said business. So they sent it back, again. By this time, i was ready to tear my hair out, except that those uncles int he library were really nice, and the only cute guy I have seen anywhere within a 2 mile radius of The Lyceum chose to walk into the library at that exact moment to collect his acceptance letter. Blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, really cute.

<3<3<3<3. A friend was kind enough to point out to me that I might not have thought him so hot if I'd seen him abroad, but you can't blame me because The Lyceum seemed to be filled with the hideosities of nature and *horror of all horrors* MULLAHS.:| So cute gora and I struck up a conversation and talked for 10 minutes, during which I found out that he's German, he's been in Karachi for 10 years, his name, and the fact that he plays basketball. BASKETBALL. <3 Andthathe'sratherpopularwiththegirls.

But I should have seen that coming.

And I managed to make Min Min very, very jealous because you see, Min Min's the Germany addict. Woman wants to marry a german guy and give birth to half German offspring. Her ultimate fantasy has been to live during the Third Reich. Despite the fact that they'd probably have thrown her into a concentration camp. But nope. Min Min's obsession with Germany is such that she goes into swooning mode everytime someone says Germany. And she showered upon me the choicest of swear words when I told her, after which she started making plans about How One Must Befriend German Guy.

I feel like I've kind of gone off the point of this post. The point was, subjects.

They told me to wait, and I waited for two hours before I finally got the mistake fixed. Not pleasant. =\

Oh well, At least I managed to get the subject I wanted.

SoYayForMe.

Oh and I was also told that Murtaza Bhutto's son is coming to Lyceum.

This should be the beginning of an eventful two years. *smirks*
And no, I don't plan on seducing either German boy OR Zulfi Jr.

I'm into someone else. * puts on cool shades*

2008-08-20T12:29:00.001-07:00

I GOT INTO SCHOOL 1.
*dances*
=D=D

2008-08-18T12:22:00.000-07:00

I hate A level admissions.
Hate them, hate them, hate them. I never, ever thought something as.. well.. I don't know.. unemotional? as A level admissions would get me depressed, but it has.

All. Thanks. To. My Beautiful. O level result, maybe.

This is the point where I stand in front of a mirror and shout at myself for being a failure in life, and then commit suicide. Seriously.

8 As, 9 As, 10 As, hell.. THIRTEEN FREAKING As.

What are people on?

Don't get me wrong, I really have nothing against anyone who did well, I've never been the jealous sort, not when it comes to my friends anyway. So I'm genuinely happy for how well they did. And I didn't really care up until the point I applied to School 1 and School 2.

Now the thing is, School 1 was my first choice. Has always been. And with the subjects I wanted, it should not have been a problem for me to get in, seeing how I had As in all of them, I didn't deviate from any available combination ( though i really, really wanted economics, but thought it best not to be a picky bitch lest it might hinder my admission process because there was no combination.)
And So I went on in life after submitting my form, thinking they'd notify everyone in due time.
Except that people started getting calls 2 days later.
People with the same result as mine, too.
And the same subject choices.
Which threw me into panic mode, and I still haven't understood why they didn't call me. And now I have done little except curl up in bed, refuse to talk to people or socialise, and curse myself for the stupid things I did in life.
Of course, there is apparently a lot of time left since School 1 is supposed to notify people latest by the 28th. Except that...

And on to school 2.
Now School 2 seems to love me. They sent me my acceptance letter the second day I applied. They're giving me all the subjects I want, and they're a lot nicer than the School 1 administration. BUT. There is a catch:
School 2 wants us to pay by the 23rd, and I want to wait till I have no hope left about School 1. School 2 wants to fill up its lovely shiny new campus, which is really, really out of the way for mum who keeps on threatening me that she will not drop me off, and hence I will sit at home and become a maasi and not do my A levels.

I have not felt this dejected or useless in a relatively long time.

Seriously.
=\