What I have learnt so far at Moho.

• Gender is a social construct. The moment you internalize this and learn to talk about it in a million different ways, endlessly and tirelessly as if it were the only thing you have ever learnt in life, the sooner you will be accepted into Moho's communal folds. And if you are like me and actively resist the idea that your gender is a social construct, well, pretend like you agree it's a social construct anyway.
• Ambition is not a problem. Nearly killing yourself is.
• There are turtles in the lake; no one knows where they came from, but there are turtles in the lake.
• The health center is redundant. Unless you're pregnant, but I have yet to meet anyone who paid a visit to the center for that particular ailment. Cures for seasonal allergies are, quite unfortunately, still being discovered.
• Meanwhile, are you pregnant?
• The menu repeats, don't cry if you miss out on quesidillas at the Rockies because Prospect had a pizza showcase. What goes around comes around.
• Speaking of menus, go to Sunday Brunch at around 12:45. You will avoid the stampede and therefore not look like you were engaged in a fierce battle for oven fried potatoes. There is no dearth of potatoes at Moho, and we can be civil about them.
• There is no such thing as a lowfat cookie.
• If you manage to go to the gym during finals, 95% of Mount Holyoke's student body will wish you pain. A lot of it.
• Talk about your feelings. That is all you will do during your first week here. If, however, you are unable to talk about your feelings (or have none to begin with), learn the art of BS-ing. It will prove to be useful later on in your college career.
• Talk about the sexual continuum and its infinitude in conjunction with gender being a social construct. It will earn you brownie points.
• When Public Safety sends out an email about a guy jerking off  while checking out students sunbathing by the dock, read the whole email. Otherwise you won't know it's about a guy jerking off while checking out students sunbathing on the dock.
• Your response to the abovementioned will vary according to how dead you are on the inside (I refer to emotional death, and not vaginal sensitivity here). If you have a lot of empathy you will be appalled and disgusted. If you are like me, you will cackle and tell as many people as you can. Because no one else read the email.
• PubSafe will not help you transport your belongings. Or shovel your car out of the snow. Even if you have a broken foot.
• Don't laugh at the self-defense demonstration. You might need to employ those skills, especially if there is a guy jerking off while checking you out as you sunbathe.
• Not all lesbians look like the gals from The L Word. Sorry.
• Sometimes radical feminism can make you turn to the Kardashians. Or Sex and the City.
• Monthly cycles sync on this campus. That's a whole lotta women, a whole lotta PMS and a whole lotta bitchin'.
• Get used to whining about how much work you have just to one up your friends when it comes to how much work they have. You might be dying, but hey, at least you're winning the "Shit-My-Brain-Is-Exploding" award.
• Jorge's quacking sounds like he/she is saying "Meghan".

There will be more.