I have a friend who hates Twilight so much, he read all four books just so he could bash it. He texted me a while ago saying:
Twilight keeps getting better. Bella the village hick is now a vampire who exhibits an uncanny controld over her thirst. The Demon baby who rips out of her womb is a few weeks old. Her Edward rebound Red Indian turned werewolf is madly in love with demon baby.
That woman wrote drug fuelled trash.
He forgot to mention how Jacob practically moved in with the Cullens. But. HAHAHA=D
Mario has gone Valentine crazy. She tried to hook Ataka up with Waqax. Who tYp3X lYk3 Dix. When asked why he uses an X instead of an S, he said ( in his psuedo, very, very fake "American" drawl) * becaaaaaaaaaaaaauzze, you haaaave taa press 4 times for S but just once for X.* Whattayyy reasoning. I once went through Mario's inbox, took me five minutes to decipher one message of his.
SHE TRIED TO HOOK ATAKA UP WITH WAQAX.
Ok sorry, this is just....extremely amusing.
Just for the record, she didn't say yes. She's my date. (h)
Sanaa~ says: my mum is making up weird stories to tell ,my sister. Sanaa~ says: 0.o Sanaa~ says: and im the one cracking up at them. sheesh Mani says: like? Sanaa~ says: umm Sanaa~ says: * aik chooza tha. ussne murghi kee taang khaalee. phir woh ghada bann gaya. lekin jo murghi kee taang thee, ussko kuttay ne chaata tha. tou woh jo gadha thaa, woh kuttay kee tarah bhonknay laga. ussko dekh kar billi darr kar bhaagnay lagee, tou bhaagtay bhaagtay woh haathi se takraa gayee, haathi bechara girr gaya, lekin uss ne billi ko sorry bola.* Sanaa~ says: and so on. Mani says: hmm. some interesting metaphors there... Mani says: the elephant could very possibly represent the english. Sanaa~ says: HAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHAH OH GOD. Mani says: gigantic, loafsome, yet polite. Mani says: the cat represents all the people, mostly women (i like how your mother's engendered it to be feminine), who run away from things based on fear. Sanaa~ says: what about the chooza that became a donkey and barked ? Mani says: the gadha/kutta thing, i feel, portrays very effectively cross-culturalism. as in, i look desi, but i sound like i'm american/british. Mani says: it's just generallly about change Mani says: for example... Sanaa~ says: in the end the murghi retrieves its taang from the donkeys stomach and the donkey becomes a chooza again and the billi realises what he is, and starts chasing him Mani says: the muslim chooza ate unhalal chicken, and became a BBCD who shows no respect for religion. Mani says: again, it perfectly paints typical progressions within each mindset. Mani says: the woman's fear is absolved, and thereby it will continue cchasing the chooza. Sanaa~ says: HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAH Mani says: the murghi is no longer being eaten by the donkey, who realises what it really is, and stops sounding like a dog too. Mani says: your mum should write absurdist literature for children. what the hell is she doing being a lawyer? Sanaa~ says: ive realised my mum likes making stories about choozas Mani says: possibly Sanaa~ says: like there was this one Mani says: ooh Sanaa~ says: and theres this series of stories from my childhood Mani says: more absurdist interpretation Sanaa~ says: about a chooza called timmoo Sanaa~ says: who was a naa laaik chooza Sanaa~ says: his mum kicked him out Sanaa~ says: she said tu naa laik hai, parhta nai hai, jaa dafa hoja Sanaa~ says: then he moved in with a chirrya Sanaa~ says: and was going to get married to her..but he had to try very hard to convince her Sanaa~ says: her had to like.. clean up her ouse and shit Sanaa~ says: =\ Mani says: your mum's clearly a feminist. Mani says: and believes in the reversal of traditional roles within the household. Mani says: unfortunately, the society she was born and raised in, and belongs to, doesn't sufficiently consider her opinion worth appraisal, let alone her desire to triumph alone without doing it at the behest of a man Mani says: as such, she has to paint her true colours through the medium of storytelling involving choozas. Mani says: this story also reeks of a twisted romanticism. that she would be found by a man who was madly in love with her, and completely willing to be kept under foot, if only he could marry this lovely bird. Mani says: may i point out the irony of the bird being female (chicks, birds, all modern slang for the woman), and the man being a rodent, therefore implying that he is weak, dependent, and completely lacking protection or cunning. Sanaa~ says: hahahahahaha ILOVE HOW YOURE PSYCHANALYSING MY MUM=P Mani says: i rate your mom's story 4 stars Sanaa~ says: the man is a chooza=\ Sanaa~ says: called timmoo Sanaa~ says: get your facts right mani! Mani says: chooza kya hota hai?
This is a pointless blog post. It is as pointless as a loser in a banyaan trying to hit on me. Or him thinking that trying to shove food into my mouth will win him my affection. (There IS such a loser at my school, who has the ghastly habit of trying to shove food into the mouths of his potential paramours. I am not even joking.) But, as pointless as this post is, it's my blog. I can be as pointless on it as I like. So suck it bitchezz.
I apologize for my lack of eloquence.
I didn't get to go to the Kamila Shamsie book launch, surprise surprise. I was, instead, dragged off to my pupho's, where I was told off for displaying 3 inches of leg, told I was a heretic, and predictions were made about my afterlife. ( I am to suffer eternal damnation, just so you know. For the legs, and for the nails. God hates me.)My sister, who was in a sleeveless shalwar kameez, got to hear worse. Not only is she going to hell, she is going to be in Dante's 7th circle of the wretched place. I think I might go into the 3rd or 4th. So I'm still better off, I suppose. (h)
Went to Ataka's house today. Was a whole lot of fun. We almost peed in our pants laughing, but stopped just in time. We also sat in her bathtub, and took pictures. Fully clothed, mind you. ( stop trying to conjure up sick mental images, you perverted bastards) I love the Japani-ness of that girl. I think I'll marry her. Besides, she has this awesome smelling hairspray which can totally be used as body spray. Ok fine, that's just me trying to cover up what I did. Here is what happened:
Me: * Happily sprays on nice smelling "body spray" in Ataka's bathroom* Ataka: That's HAIRSPRAY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? Me: * stops* WHAT? Ataka: *falls down laughing* Me: DUDE. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW, IT SMELLS NICE! Ataka: Yeah it does. But it's hairspray. Me: It doesnt SAY so. Ataka: It does! Me: WHERE? Ataka: HERE! Me: That's in Japanese. Loser. Ataka: Oh...yeah...
And the following exchange should make a certain someone very happy:
Ataka: You want a foot massage? Me: No. Ataka: Are you SURE you don't want one? I'll give you a foot massage you know.
Foot massages lead to a lot else. Maybe Ataka's finally leaning towards homosexuality, in which case, I should also change my orientation. Perfectissimo it would be.
I'm supposed to be studying, but I'm blogging pointlessly. How awesomely awesome am I? Got Crime and Punishment today. I like it so far. Let's see how we proceed.
When I went to school in the morning today, I went with the knowledge that I had not done my socio homework. I was also aware of the fact that the homework had been given to be by Bitch-Socio-Teacher-From-Hell, who hates me, and whose class I hate with a passion. The other two teachers are fine, ( especially the hot one. She's hot. And I'm slightly gay.)but this one has major issues.
So I don't go to my 8:40 am class. I instead, decide that I will do my homework in the first and second periods(which were from 8 to 9:20) then go to the 10 am class. Except that, change of events. I met people, I got distracted, I didn't feel upto it. Hence, I ended up not going to class, not doing my homework and not going to the 10 am class either.
After which, we had history. Now our history teacher has decided to make a quick run to the Maldives because she's fucking sick of our faces. Who wouldn't be, if they have to teach people like DS. So, I realised that the last time she wasn't there, the same bitch socio teacher had decided to fill in for her. And I thought *OMGWTF*. I sneaked up to my history class, to check if bitch teacher with extremely shrill, annoying voice and a tendency to repeat herself 10 times was there. She wasn't. Then Maryam, more commonly known as Squeaky, announced that we were, in fact, supposed to watch a movie today in History Teacher's absent. And I thought *hallejullah!*. So far, so good. The whole class went upstairs to the AV room, which seems to be the favourite room of the whole school. Something to do with the fact that it is the nicest room in school into which students are allowed access. Just when we were about to enter the AV room, this weird dude from the library, who goes * SHHHHHHHHHHH* every time you even sneeze, blocked our entry. And started interrogating us. The exchange was as follows:
Freaky Dude: Kyuun aaye ho yahan? Me: Movie dekhnee hai. FD: Kisi se poocha hai? Me: Miss Aisha se. FD: Unhon ne permission dee? Me: *getting irritated* haan. FD: Kaunsee movie dekhnee hai? Me: * A porno, you fucktard.* Pata nai. FD: Tou phir andar nai aayein abhi aap loag. Me: *wanting to kick guys in balls.*
Squeaky: People! SD is going to take our class, go downstairs! ( SD being bitch teacher.) Me: Oh shit. I'm not going to class.
So I decided I'd bunk history too. Except that history didn't happen, eventually, so yay?
Basically, I went to only one class today. I feel like I wasted my day. Oh well, worth it.
In other news, I REALLY WANT TO GO SEE KAMILA SHAMSIE AT T2F TODAY OMG OMG OMG=|
I was actually looking forward to V day in a high school setting. I was well prepared for it too, you know, I'd even selected the couples I'd make fun of. ( All of them, if you'd like to know.)
Valentine's days in my life, ever since I discovered their..err... "significance", have been disasterous. Seriously. I miss the days of my childhood, when I went to Park Towers one V day and saw a "Couples Karaoke Competition" going on, and didn't know what to make of it. I also didn't know why my mum was being so disdainful. What I did know, however, that Iris and With or Without You got throughly raped by "couples". It has been ingrained into my memory forever.
Anyhoo, so on to disasterous V days. Oh, from where do I start the tale of my misfortunes. Three crappy V days in a row. All because of the same idiot. The things we do, and regret, in life. I don't see how I could let a sexist moron playing tonsil hockey with someone else on Valentine's while calling me his "girlfriend" ruin it for me. Honestly. My judgements in the past are beyond my comprehension now. Rewind, and kick me.
So anyway, this Valentine's day, no issues whatsoever. And a plan for immense fun. Thwarted by my friend telling me that during our time in Lyceum, the wretched day of love falls on Saturday this year, and Sunday the next. Which made me very, very sad, and I missed the balloons from my birthday because they were pretty and made me happy. So I don't get to see V day nonsense at Lyceum. Dayem=(
No matter. I will collect my posse of single friends, and go over to, *drumrolls* PARK TOWERS. I'm sure we'll find plenty to point and laugh at. Otherwise, keep the balloons ready.
So we were doing imperialism in class today, and our teacher couldn't write on the board. So she asked DS, who got a 23% on his history midterm, and who, for reasons unknown is taking history and making an attempt at continuing his education, to write. Her reasoning was "At least aisay tou parhlay ga".
Therefore, much hilarity ensued. DS seems to be more than partially dyslexic, and his spelling abilities were amazing. He had to have "Henry" spelt out for him. After looking around stupidly, because he couldn't keep up or comprehend, DS finally resumed writing. Teacher said "Henry Morton Stanley acted as an agent for the Exploration and Civilization of Africa. Civilisation with a capital C" DS wrote: Henry Mortan Stanlee agent for Capital civilisation of Africa. That was the point when history teacher gave up, and told one of the more intellectually capable members of the class to write on the board.
You've got to see it to believe the idiots we have in school. It's seems impossible.