Wednesday, June 24, 2009

So true.

I have found the answer to one of life's greatest mysteries.

which iss...?

Okay, I'd been waiting to ask this question for a long time, but I couldn't find the right person. But now I have:
Q. Why are boys so stupid?
A. They are not stupid. They pretend to be. (Why would they do that?) To lower your standards.
at first I was like WTF. But now I get it. ^^

theyre moronic
so they can get away with their bullshiz

ahaan. I've actually seen this behavior in men.
My dad, for example. He can be having a conversation with my mum but the second she mentions something he doesn't want to respond to, he pretends to have fallen asleep. I'm not kidding.

men. its an affliction that strikes all ages=\

mmhm. Actually the thing I hate most about men...
Is that they don't know when they want to compliment your or insult you. So they'll give you a mix of an insult and compliment and then leave it to your interpretation. and then if you ask them they give you some BS cryptic answer
Even if their relationship with you it totally platonic. The only man I've met who doesn't do this is my nana.

cause your nana is cool
the rest of them are twits

Me: -_--_-
D: Chinese eyes again!
Me: =/ is that better?
D: Definitely. it looks a lot more like you = )
me: is that a good or bad thing.
D: Whichever you want it to be.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Miss Pakistan World. Zomg.

Oh look. It's Miss Pakistan WORLD.
I was randomly browsing, and I came across this wonderful website. How very nice. Our very own beauty pageant. For Pakistani girls. Aww.

Now, I've never been a big fan of beauty pageants. While some people choose to believe that is the case because I do not resemble (and will never resemble) in any shape or form, a beauty pageant contestant, I beg to differ. And I can state more than a hundred reasons for that, but you can google feminism, and you'll find instant answers(or links that lead to them, anyway) so let us not waste our valuable time.

So about this website. The Miss Pakistan World pageant, from what I have gathered using my incredible investigative journalism skills (too many hours of boredom+immense desire to find something to mock/laugh at/rant about)is that it was started in 2002 for Pakistani girls belonging "mainly to North America and Europe", and apparently spread like a plague to the rest of (?) the world. The president of this event happens to be a certain Miss Sonia Ahmed, who hopes for a Modern Pakistan guessed it... MISS PAKISTAN WORLD! *confetti moment*
Miss Sonia Ahmed with some douche called Mika Singh

Not only is the website cheaply made, they want to charge people $500 dollars for entry into a competition that reeks of utter uselessness. It's like Rizwan Beyg proclaiming "Oh I think it's absolutely wonderful that despite the recession the fashion family manages to get together and celebrate its creativity!". Delightful, a bunch of elitist twits getting together to check out clothes, buy clothes, talk clothes, dance clothes, eat clothes and everythingelseclothes. Which reminds me of this segment on the Nadia Khan Show (If you haven't heard of it, you are either living under a rock, or are blissfully unaware of a thing known as bored housewife syndrome, which touches all of us. Actively, or passively. Like secondhand smoke.)which shows what's going on with the middle aged yuppies in Dubai. They showed a "fundraising" dance party a few days ago, and it was, to put it quite succintly, revolting. Sweaty, frumpy, middle aged men and women doing weird bhangra moves on a dance floor. However, it was an amazing way to have them feel good about themselves (everyone looked ugly and frumpy, you see.) and extort them. Way to go fundraisers! Not only have you provided for the education of poor children in Pakistan, you have also given them footage to amuse themselves with while learning the important lesson of how not to behave like an absolute dumbfuck.

Back to Miss Pakistan World. Here you can find the contestants. Three whole years of them. Even the gallery is a bit shady, they all look like they're involved in the making of a pornographic film about psuedo Pussy Cat Dolls, as if the PCD weren't pornographic enough themselves. (Jai Ho feat. PCD, anyone?) I mean, what is this?

I used to be happy, not knowing such atrocities existed. No beauty pageants in/for Pakistan. What a wonderful world it was, even though it did put us in the same league as the Saudis with their stance on contests such as these. Not quite so drastic, but essentially the same. And look at this now. Enlightened Moderation too much? Much much much?
It's the tackiness of it all that's so shocking. You're not revolutionising the Pakistani society, you're just making it look tacky and disgusting.
I can see how this will get us respect from the rest of the world. I can already envision the investment funds pouring in, people dropping their warped image of pakistanis....

I see a better world. Oh yes I do.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Days in the life of Jaahil.

Here is summer, June has passed its mid mark and as predicted, I have (yet again) succumbed to my role of universal uselessness. As mentioned in the previous post, I was going to look for an internship. I did look for said internship. However, the people at Dawn News seem to be a bunch of twits who do not understand the simple sentence " I do not want any money, I just want to get some work experience.". Either that, or they mistook me for an 8 year old who'd just get in the way while loitering about at the office. In a way I don't blame them. The did have poppies in their last advertisement. For those who do not know what the word poppies means, it's slang for the.. erm..."popular" crowd. Yes, the very same crowd of people who just happen, as I've mentioned in a different previous post, not to know what words like courtship and euphoria mean. Perhaps the folks at Dawn News are disillusioned with the youth of this country because of that particular incident. Or,they're just.. what's the word for it? Oh yeah. Douchebags. With 50 foot long iron rods up their asses. Whatever it is, hopefully it'll fix itself soon. Otherwise when they're crawling on their knees begging me to come work for them in the near future, I will kick them like any annoying ingrates ought to be kicked.

The other channel I wanted to apply to was Express 24/7. Yes, the same one that ripped off the SkyNews logo. That being besides the point, however. Express News does not have a website. What kind of a dysfunctional channel are they running? There is no website.WHAT IS WITH THAT? Furthermore, try getting their phone number from the numskull operators who sit behind those telephones you're connected to every time you dial 1217. After holding the receiver in your hand till it's painfully numb ( the hand. Not the receiver, an operator finally blesses your tele-presence by answering your call. I asked for the Express 24/7's number. They gave me some funny 0800 number which seemed quite dubious to begin with, and which, as I found out, would just not connect. It just wouldnt. I have concluded that not only are the people at Express News utter and complete rip offs, they are tech retarded and idiotic, with phone lines which do not function.

And the Dawn News people are snobs. S N O B S.

Now that the first rant is out of my way, I will proceed to the next thing on my agenda:
On the 16th we had my sisters (late) birthday party. My mother and I cooked loads of food. I cooked more, because I had (being the wiseass that I am) offered to cook more. So I cooked. Some guests didn't turn up, which didn't help matters because there was a lot of food. I mean, a lot. So we decided to save some for next day, and freeze the rest for later. All ok? Everyone's happy? Not quite, but alrighty. After the food was frozen, we sat back and relaxed, and I told my mother "Just because I can cook, does not mean I want to get married." I didn't just say that. Oh no. You see, my cousin had mentioned some funny rishta talk. And the rishta talk radars on my ears immediately picked up on the suspicious conversation. But more of that later. The issue here is: Food.

So the next day, the lights went out at around 6:30 pm. Lucky for me, since I had started puking my guts out half an hour ago. I don't know what happened, but I couldn't stop throwing up. And before there are any jokes about the food I cooked, let me tell you, everyone was in excellent health, the only person who fell ill was me. Horror, horror. No electricity, and vomit. Wonderful. My mother came back, I was taken to the doctors, yada yada yada. The point again is: food.

The lights were out for about 22 hours. My heart was breaking as every hour passed. All the food that I'd cooked. All that hard work going to waste. Half the food went bad. As for KESC. I hope it dies and goes to hell.