Sunday, May 9, 2010

That time of the year.

So around this time of the year, I decide to forget all about weight consciousness and dive into everything ridden with empty calories. Why? It could have something to do with immense boredom, but it's probably also because I'm one of those stress-eater types. Unless I'm heartbroken, which I will inform you, is a horrible way to starve yourself. You lose weight and still feel like shit. You wonder that even after the weight has dropped off, why he still doesn't want you. You curse yourself for ever being fat. And even if there's a remote chance of looking attractive because of the pounds you've shed, it's kind of ruined by the fact that your face is puffy, blotchy, and swollen at the worst of times, and looks miserable even when you look your best. A close second in horrible ways of losing weight is typhoid. Seriously, don't eat shit... Just go on the cabbage soup diet or something. You'll be less miserable, I promise.
Thank God I don't suffer from either of the above very often.

Anyway,  I was whining we were talking about this time of the year. Ever since the CIE and I became acquainted, I have taken to not only forgetting, but shooting, stabbing, killing, stamping on and setting fire to my conscience when it comes to what a Fat Ass I am. Not that it's very active anyway, my love for food has made sure the "stop eating, you fat bitch." voice in my head remains dormant, until one day I look in the mirror and decide I can no longer ignore the ogre looking back at me. And that I kinda don't fit in those clothes that-became-so-loose-after-the-typhoid. But not during the exams. Oh no. I don't even visit the mirror anymore, and I shudder to think of what people think when bg.h;(my kitten says hello world.) they see me. I don't know what I look like, but I know human is not a word I'd use to describe me during exam time.

 And then the exams end, and I actually look at myself. And freak.

Hello, CIE 2010.

4 comments:

Roshni said...

typhoid is caused by water contamination..inni? ..how can someone CHOOSE to lose way that way? Unless you purposely contaminate your water so you get typhoid so you can lose weight and appetite. =P
But yea..that thing about losing weight when you're heart broken...ENCORE. =/

Opinionated Jaahil said...

Hahah food AND water contamination. I think it was the food that did it for me, though I have no idea what unhygienic stuff I ate.

uglyduckling91 said...

YAY CIE. >(
Good luck yao.

Maryam said...

Haye mere Allah I totally agree about the fatness thing. I murdered my conscience years ago. Years. And am now suffering. I loove food. Make it stop makeitstop makit... okay.