Sunday, September 12, 2010

Non-existent brain needs to function.

Sitting in the library with readings from four classes staring into my uncomprehending face, I now realize that 3 months of no mental (or physical, but we'll get to that later) activity whatsoever have really decreased my already low mental capacity. If you, like me, suffer from a lack of active brain cells, I suggest exploring options other than Higher Education. If you really, really, really like a certain college, try getting a job there. Become a janitor. Or a dishwasher. Or something. (Since you can't be a professor, cause for that you kinda sorta have to take the HE path too.) They'll make you wash pots and pans in the kitchen as "work-study" anyway (three hours of pot washing on a Sunday morning. And countless more to come). So might as well stick to manual labour and enjoy the perks of a beautiful campus without going to any of the classes.

As much as I love this place, I still have some whining to do. (Surprised? Don't be.)

  • The food doesn't taste like anything. Sometimes I want to gag just for the lack of spice. There is way too much food in this country, and none of it is spicy.
  • So back home, I'm supposed to be "chubby" (whatever that means). However, here, I'm smaller than small. Now you may think of that as a boost to my self-esteem, which it was for the first two days, it's just plain annoying now. I've been trying to shop for winter and I look like a two year old trying to fit into her mother's clothes. 
  • So we all know how the first world countries are out to kill us. We get Red Bull for cheaper. We get cigarettes for nothing. And frankly, I prefer it that way. Please, I would rather die than pay $8.50 for twenty cigarettes. Can you let me reduce my lung capacity in peace?
  • Walking. Too. Much. Walking. For a person who's known for sitting on her butt and moving only when the necessity occurs, this is a lifestyle shock. So far, I'm still alive. For how long? I don't know.
  • "So, like, how did you hear about Mount Holyoke? Do people there know about America? Do you guys, like, listen to our music? Do you speak English there? So, like, do you meet boys? Is your house flooded?" Alas, the ignorant American. Oh, I don't know, one day as I was wading through my burnt down village, which just by the way also got hit by the flood, trying not to drown under the weight of my sodden burqa, I reached a stretch of dry land. On that fine stretch, I saw a white man on a donkey cart. It was an American missionary who somehow managed to convey to me (through sign language since I didn't know what English was till I came to this country) that there is this place called Mount Holyoke College. When I found out, I swam back to my house as fast as I could, to tell my family of 50 people that I could save everyone, only to be beaten up with a belt and chased out of my village because they thought the American missionary had violated my honour. While I was being chased out, I hid in the forest, on top of a tree, where the man found me again, and applied to the US for political asylum for me, and here I am! It sounds so much better than "Umm, it was my first choice."
Yeah, they're a weird race, these Americans.


Arslan Saeed said...

Yes, the lack of spice is a bit of an issue. I mean, who likes bland food, anyway?!

Superb post, especially the befitting description of Pakistan in the minds of ignorant (and rather dumb) Americans.

I hope you get to have a good time. =)

Pixie said...

:) aaa my little choosa. Mwah! eid mubarik you sexy little munchkin!

haya said...

hahhah yeah they are kinda dumb.
When I used to live in Orlando, Florida.. some americans would ask me ' do you guys get your *functional organs* chopped off if you check out the opposite sex? and I'de be like :| WTH? lol
and also. ' Do you guys go to school, on your camel ride'
Iam sure you'ill have a great time in massacuessets. (if thats teh correct spelling)

I Love reading your posts ^_^

HEAD GIRL B) said...


Alpha Za said...

They have alot of varieties. plus you can get Nandoes sauces at stores.

I also know people who carry garam masala, and ichar with them to dinner.

My personal fav. was when someone asked me what my hut looked like. I live in defence; my house is 3 times the size of his. I sent him a picture. Since then he is convinced that I'm a Sultan.

Opinionated Jaahil said...

Thanks everyone, I'm having a great time! =)
I do have chaat masala with me, I just need to buy something to put it in=p

And Malo. Stop showing off.=p

Maryam said...

Hahaha aww but still maybe the good part weighs out the bad? Anyway. I love Alpha Za's comment and your last paragraph in the post =D

Komal Ali said...

Wait for another two months; your tastebuds will be devastated. You won't ever want it spicy! :D

I used hot sauce for the first month and then I was over the blandness of the food. :p

Oh Americans live in their own cocoons. Sometimes, they are downright stupid.

J: 'Do you guys have toilet paper in Pakistan?'

Me: *jaw drops* Lots.In.The.Bathroom.